How Will Charlie Crist Stay So Tan in DC?

Categories: Politicks
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It is an open secret amongst the Florida political establishment that Gov. Charlie Crist has a penchant for tanning. While the mainstream press often shies away from openly discussing the issue, Crist's hidden tanning habit is explored in detail in Kirby Dick's new movie Outrage: The Hidden Story of America's Oompa Loompa Politicians

Though, no one knows exactly how it is Crist stays his trade mark shade of burnt sienna. Thankfully, there are no paparazzi photos of the Gov splayed out on a beach wearing nothing but a Speedo and copious amounts of exotic oils, white chest hair glistening in the wind. Perhaps instead he spends a lot of time in a closet... in which he keeps a personal tanning bed.

While we are sure Crist will be glad to be away from this state "government" and all the "problems" he is "responsible" for once he is surely elected to Senate, he will surely miss all the opportunities for tanning Florida provides. 

Whatever the case, if Charlie gets elected to Senate he'll have to spend the majority of his time in Washington DC, a sad town where there are no beaches. Luckily we have found the nearest tanning Salon to the Senate Office buildings! It is Headlines Salon, where they invite you to "try a series of tanning sessions in our Sonnenbraun Wolff Tanning Equipment made in Germany."

You're welcome Charlie! 
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