Themed Stadiums are Just like Themed Parties: Kind of Lame

By Kyle Munzenrieder Mon., May 4 2009 at 5:35 PM

Categories: Sports

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I think it's been proven by now that LandShark Stadium is the dumbest name for a stadium ever, probably by science. But a stadium by any other dumb corporate sponsored name is still a stadium.

More concerning is Stephen Ross's plan to South Florida-up the feel of the stadium, because apparently a stadium in South Florida isn't, um, South Florida-themed enough.

Ross wants to make the Stadium "an entertaining tropical South Florida experience." Part of the plans may involve a Margaritaville themed area. Gross. There's also talk of featuring art by South Florida artists on the gates. Which probably means Britto. Gross. (We suggest they at least contact LeBo. His brother is Dan LeBartard. It would be only fitting.)

What? Are they going to replace the goal posts with palm trees, too? Make the staff wear Miami Vice-style pastel linen jackets and white loafers? If we wanna get real about it, let's replace the cheerleaders with drunk girls in two-sized too small lycra dresses from the Mall of Americas dancing on tables, replace the typical jock jams with crappy dub remixes of Kaskade, and instead of a hot dog man have a guy roaming the stadium freely selling cocaine?

Oh, wait. Those last few don't fit the corporate friendly, almost Disney World-level stereotypes Ross and Buffet surely have in mind.

Themes are fun once in a while. You know, going to, for example, a Superhero themed party is fun every now and then, but there's a reason no club in Miami has a weekly Superhero event.

Which is why Ross shouldn't go overboard with his plan to give the stadium a South Florida make over. It's already in South Florida, isn't that kind of superfluous?

Besides, we used to have a football stadium with an authentic South Florida feel, but then we tore it down to build a stadium for the Marlins.

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