The Authoritative Guide to Fourth of July in Miami

Time to party like it's 1776.

Over at the Night & Day calendar, the Magic City Kitty and I constructed a "perfect day" of kickin' it on Uncle Sam's birthday, but we're so excited about the national holiday that our bras are freaking exploding...


...and we just had to list a few more:

- K.C. & the Sunshine Band perform at the Florida Marlins Super Saturday Fireworks extravaganza following the game against the Pirates at (Arrr!) LandShark Stadium (2269 Dan Marino Blvd., Miami Gardens). First pitch at 6:10 p.m.

- The Electric Pickle (2826 N. Miami Ave., Miami), the Miami New Times, and Presidente Beer Present: July Fourth Backyard Barbecue Riot! Beginning at 5 p.m. and going strong until 5 a.m. on the 5th, the party at the Pickle will dish out a steady diet of local and NYC DJs and bands in a patriotic display of debauchery that would have Thomas himself feeling the Paine the next morning. Read our promotional team's writeup for more info.

- An American Celebration is Fourth of July Miami Beach style. Just substitute neon pink for the red in red, white, and blue. DJ Irie -- is he the city's official selector or what? -- masters the ceremony and takes control of the tables. The fun starts at 7:30 p.m. Bring a towel or chair to the beach at Eighth and Ocean (but no coolers or bottles, ya drunks) for the music and gigantic fireworks display.

- Or are you a Mainlander? Downtown Until You Die? If so, head to Bayfront Park (301 N. Biscayne Blvd.) for the fireworks show, called America's Birthday Bash. Come as early as 3 p.m., leave by 9 p.m. There will be activities for the whole family, including a Kids Zone, face-painting, and food + drink. Visit the website for more info.

- Can't decide whose fireworks you'd rather ogle? How about standing atop the Viceroy Hotel and seeing them all? Club 50 is throwing its own Fourth of July party on its two-acre observation deck, where, if the night is clear (cross your fingers and pray to Andrew Jackson), you'll be able to see from North Beach to Homestead as the county collectively bombs the cloud cover to kingdom come. Mother Nature is going to piss her pantsuit. (Scroll to the 2:00-minute mark.) The fun starts poolside at noon with drinks and grilling, and best of all, there's no cover... unless of course you want a table. (You know you do.)

- The Mondrian is another location to go swank. It's more expensive -- $125 for the day -- but you get your own hotel room and an all-access pass to their ridiculous pool. And you'll have a backside view of the Bayfront fireworks display. For reservations, call 800-6060-6090.

- For a different kind of fireworks -- the invisible kind that explodes out of trombones -- check out the Spam Allstars Fourth of July show at Hoy Como Ayer (2212 SW Eighth St., Miami). Doors open at 9 p.m., two-for-one drinks, and ladies drink fee until 11 p.m. Oh, but if you're under 21, don't bother.

- If you're a boater, and you haven't abandoned ship yet, turn the wheel toward Nikki Marina in Hollywood (3660 S. Ocean Dr.) for a shindig they're calling Love and Freedom. No cover; comp drinks for the ladies between 9 and 11 p.m., and validated parking if you'd rather drive. And if you bring your boat, tell them now or they might not let you dock. For more info, go to nikkibeach.com. For table rez, call 954-602-8750.

- Key rats have their own parade beginning at 11 a.m. along Crandon Boulevard @ the Village Green (500 Crandon Blvd., Key Biscayne). Fireworks begin at sunset on the beach. Bring your picnic basket. Visit keybiscayne.fl.gov.

- The City of Doral has its own full-scale shindig going down between 6:30 and 9:30 p.m. at JC Bermudez Park (3000 NW 87th St.). Key elements include carnival rides and games, a DJ, face painting and balloon animals, food, drink, and a raffle. Fireworks begin at 9 p.m. sharp. See the city's news release.

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