Florida Lawyer Thinks Homosexuals Want Kids Just So They Can Clean Soiled Sheets

Categories: Politicks
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George L. Metcalfe is an Orlando-area lawyer who likes to spend his time writing about gays having sex with children. His first piece of pedophile fiction was somehow published in the Florida Bar News, but sadly George had to edit his creative masterpiece down to 350 words. Not content with just a short story, he decided to buy an ad in the Bar News in order to further flesh out his fantasies.


See, Metcalfe knows this lady, Dawn Stefanowicz, who admittedly seemed to have a pretty shitty dad. A pretty shitty dad who happened to be gay. Ergo, in Metcalfe's world, all gay parents are shitty. 

Stefanowicz once picked up feces-covered sheets after one of her dad's rendezvous. Ergo, all gay parents will make their children clean and launder their sex sheets. 

Stefanowicz's father had sex with an underage boy who eventually committed suicide. Ergo, all gay parents will fuck minors and force them to kill themselves. 

Stefanowicz's father took her along on a tour of North America in a nonstop quest for cock. Ergo, all gay parents will pack up the family station wagon for a cross-country cruising cruise. 

This is all to say, according to Metcalfe, that no gay people should ever have children, and Florida's slow advancement toward accepting gay adoption should be halted at once! Because if there's one rule of logic we all know to be true, it's that picking out the worst example from a group of people illustrates that the whole group is completely horrible. 


This is why ladies in San Antonio shouldn't be allowed to have children, because they will all, obviously, kill them and eat their brains

And why no actors are never again allowed to have children because they will hit on them at funerals

Or why no one in Gary, Indiana, is allowed to have more than four children based on the fear they might deprive them of a real childhood by turning the kids into a giant musical dynasty, forcing them to deal with the emotional baggage through painkillers, weird sleepovers, Jesus juice, and lots of plastic surgery. 

Oh, wait, we don't do these things! 

And the other thing is that as a child, Stefanowicz's father was physically and sexually abused. Unfortunately, many people who are abused repeat the cycle when they have their own children. 

If anything, Metcalfe's ad should be a plea for banning victims of child abuse to ever be parents themselves. But that would be horrible and unconstitutional. Just like banning gay people from adopting is horrible and unconstitutional. 


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