Miami: Second Worst Place to Raise a Family

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Michelle Obama appears on Children's Health October issue.
When the editors of Children's Health describe the perfect locale to raise a family as "the kind of place where a child can slip on her rubber boots, grab her colorful umbrella, and play on the quiet, tree-lined street outside her home without worry," I knew Miami wouldn't come in very high on the list. 

Hell, I can't walk out onto a street without worry, let alone let my (theoretical) child do it. In fact, out of the 100 cities surveyed, Miami ranked 99 -- behind only ruin-porn capital of America, Detroit. 

The editors "conducted a statistical analysis of cities around the country and researched more than 30 factors that parents consider to be vitally important, including crime and safety, education, economics, housing, cultural attractions, and health."

So where's the best place to raise your niños? Burlington, Vermont. Yep, hippie Burlington, with its socialist senator and its gay marriages and its coat factories, and God knows what other liberal travesties. Fittingly, Michelle Obama is the magazine's October cover model. 

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