Magic City Kitty: My Girlfriend is a Lying 30-Year-Old Stripping Grandma

By Raina McLeod Thu., Jan. 7 2010 at 9:00 AM

Hello, Kitty: I have been dating this woman for about six months, and we have had some disagreements. She is 30 years old, very attractive, and low-key. She doesn't club, drink, smoke, sleep around, or anything else of the sort. She mostly stays home, watches TV, reads the Bible, and prepares lesson plans for her job (she's a teacher). However, there are some things that bother me about her. For one, she is a grandmother. This means (to keep a long story short) she had a rough childhood and is not a very good parent. Number two, she has lied to me on a couple of occasions.

The last straw was when all of a sudden she told me she had been a "bartender" at three different strip clubs around South Florida when she was a teenager. At this point, I feel like an idiot because I really don't even know the person who I have been involved with for the past six months. I am less disturbed by the former job than the fact she kept that from me. So finally, my question is: Am I wrong for not trusting this woman?

Thanks.

Nottin Luvwita

Click here for Kitty's answer.

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Oh, and you're perfect?
The thing about lies is that they rarely travel by themselves, they travel in packs. I hate to be the grim reaper give her the opportunity to clear her plate there is likely more. Be willing to listen and understand, but also be willing to walk. You may have some issues to get off your plate as well. If you are in it to win it chill, if it is too much bounce. But don't let it eat you, if you are going to be condescending then it is best you move on.
"Has a great job; stays home; doesen't drink, smoke or club; is attractive; reads the bible.." What are you looking for a freaken Madonna? Lot's of folks have had a rough childhood and have had to work to support themselves (at least she WORKED and didn't look for handouts.) You've only known her for 6 months for petes sake. Should she have spewed her entire past when you first met her? No-it's her business and the details you explain of her past are her business. Keep looking for that Madonna virgin born from an immaculate conception...you've never find her.
Maybe she didn't tell you because she didn't think it was important. Have you told her about every job you've ever had. The fact that she worked as a bartender in South Florida strip clubs when she was a teenager, or even if she worked as a stripper, shouldn't make a difference to you if she's not in the club scene now. Maybe she is reluctant to open up to you because she senses you'll judge her?
She's not lying about anything anymore. No worries, move on with your life together. Who she is now is what's important.
Very unlikely she was actually a bartender- not as a teenager, anyway. Really depends on what you caught her lying about. Was it self serving, where she manipulated you into giving her money, power, attention or prestige- or was the lie made in fear of losing something that was important to her- your love, her house,etc.? Its alright to give someone you love a chance to be a better person- its not alright to allow someone to hurt you with reckless disregard for your feelings. With just what you've said here, I'd say stay with her, but be very cautious.
I could understand withholding information until she felt you could handle it, but after this unending cascade of revelations, it's perfectly reasonable to wonder whether her entire past was fabricated. She needs to reconcile with her own past before she asks that of others.
People Change. Maybe the fact that she was honest with you, and isnt doing all the things you said she wasnt doing, means that she is trying to do things right. Get over yourself.
Sounds like you're more concerned about what others will think.