Miami Is the Fifth Least Drunk City in America: Yes, You Read That Correctly

​According to a new study by the listicle-loving Men's Health, Miami is the fifth least drunk city in all of America. Yes, 100 of America's biggest cities were tallied up and arranged from most drunk (which happens to be Fresno, California) to least, and Miami came in at 96.

See, we really aren't as thunk as your drink I am.

USA Today says that data from "death rates from alcoholic liver disease, booze-fueled car crashes, frequency of binge-drinking in the past month, number of DUI arrests, and severity of DUI penalties" was used to make the listings.

In fact, we got a grade of A from the study, and the only cities more sober than we are include Salt Lake City (crazy restrictive alcohol rules), Rochester, Yonkers, and Boston.

We're still trying to wrap our brain around this one. Our corporate cousins at the Village Voice say it's because we're all coked up. We think it could be because bars have a tendency to sell watered-down booze at marked-up prices.

Public policy shouldn't be made from a list compiled by a known hack publication such as Men's Health, but this is something to think about as some folks at city hall contemplate rolling back drinking hours from 5 a.m. to 3 a.m. in even more places around town.