Jersey Shore in South Beach: 10 Snooki-Shopped Plot Suggestions

Categories: Reality Bites
It's all but officially confirmed that season two of the immensely popular reality-TV train wreck Jersey Shore will be shot in South Beach, and we have no doubt that 90 percent of the time, Snooki, the Situation, JWow, and the five others no one cares about will be indulging in GTL, fist pumping, hooking up, and occasionally shouting "I'm in Miami, bitch" to augment an argument. As it should be, but they will be in new surroundings and need to take advantage of all that Miami has to offer.

So through the latest technology of Snooki-shopping (Photoshopping Snooki into images), Riptide presents ten suggested plot lines we'd really, really love to see on the South Beach season.

1. Close Encounters of the Chonga Kind
chonga-lips-banner-1300x9001.jpg
‚Äč
Sure, South Beach has its own healthy supply of guidos, but like the cast, most of them have been imported from Long Island and New Jersey. But we're also home to the distant cousin of the guidette -- the chonga. Because the show is basically a culture experiment already, we need to know what would happen when you place a guido and a chonga in the same room. For pure cultural anthropology reasons. Would they fight? Hook up? Or would it be like that scene from I Love Lucy with Harpo Marx?

Warning before you proceed: A few of these images are slightly NSFW. Any explicit nastiness has been obscured (we'll give you one guess as to with what), but be prepared to scroll fast if your boss walks by. 

2. The World Is Yours
snookface.jpg
"We're, like, Scarface poster famous!" Indeed you are, young Jerseyites. Nothing can stop you now! Except for a nasty cocaine habit and insane levels of paranoia. The only thing more exciting than watching the cast's rise to tabloid ubiquity is watching their glorious fall.

3. Fist Pumping Is Considered Performance Art
tmsnooki.JPG
original image via Awesome-ish
As Jack Donaghy once asked, "Why does anyone go to Miami? Ass... and the burgeoning art scene." We know they'll have the first one covered, but why not the other? (Our apologies to the TM Sisters for desecrating their art.)

4. Visit the Everglades
snookiglades.jpg
It's where all the deadly invasive species go, so they'd fit right in.

5. Take a Ride on the Bang Bus
snookibus.jpg

If this was actual reality, as in eight guidos winding up in Miami, it's pretty certain one of them would end up doing Internet porn. It's a law of math. Honestly.
Chances someone will do porn = [Need for attention + (bust size * insecurity) * (credit card debt/$1000)]/Morals
The same equation works for men; just substitute bust size with "length in inches" or "willingness to do gay stuff." Yeah, yeah the cast is way too famous to do porn now (well, at least for Bang Bus-level pay), but are they above making a nonsex cameo? We hope not.

My Voice Nation Help
0 comments

Now Trending

From the Vault

 

General

Loading...