Cocaine Blamed for Global Warming

Categories: News
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British Models: Your Government is concerned that your love of cocaine is killing trees, and then what will you dry hump in black lingerie?
Those of us who like to "ski" might be making it harder for those of us who want to, you know, actually ski. Apparently, members of the British Parliament are now blaming cocaine production for contributing to global warming. That's because in order to grow the cocoa plant, coke producers in Colombia have to knock out trees in the already struggling rain forest.

"We were horrified to learn for every few lines of cocaine snorted in a London club, four square metres of rain forest is destroyed," British politican Kieth Vaz said, according to the Mirror.

Jeez, who knows how many acres of rain forest Kate Moss has personally destroyed. Let's not even think about all the poor sloths and cocks-of-the-rock that have been killed in order to fuel South Beach.

"Models who wouldn't dare to wear a tiger fur coat show no qualms about flaunting their cocaine use," Vaz continues. (Honestly, though, we're not sure Moss would have many qualms about wearing a tiger fur coat. Preferably snow tiger -- the coke residue shows less.)

Vaz's argument makes sense on some level, but we have no idea to what degree the cocaine trade contributes to global warming. We called Al Gore, but he was busy. Maybe he's teaming up with Nancy Reagan for some "Just Say No" and Inconvenient Truth cross-promotion.

Though it would be ironic if the same drug that, let's be honest, has quite a history in Miami contributes to the force that might one day put the town underwater.

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