Kim Kardashian Did Not Poop in a Pool, and Other April Fools' Days Revelations

Categories: Flotsam
aprilfoolsday9-785233.gif
You guys, can we get personal here for a second? Because today, well, it's kind of a hard day for me. See, I'm not a very big April Fools' Day fan, but my Uncle Bobby always was. About five years ago, he set up an elaborate prank, an epic two-parter, on his mother, my grandmother. First he called her to tell her he had a major accident involving the zipper of his jeans. There was so much blood gushing out, he said, he could barely remember any other phone number but hers. Bobby pleaded with her to get over there immediately. Now, my grandmother wasn't exactly the sharpest person, but she loved her children. So she unquestionably jumped in her Town Car and zoomed three miles to his apartment. On the way there, she ended up hitting a tree. Nothing major, but she conked her head badly. Doctors said it probably gave her a minor concussion, but she didn't stop. She kept on driving. Her son's scrotum was gushing blood, and she wasn't going to outlive one of her children.

When she got there, she saw he was fine. She was angry at first, but that gave way to the curiosity about the noise she heard coming from another room. Someone else was there. Bobby, hearing about the accident, almost didn't go through with the joke. But he had inherited my grandmother's occasional intellectual simplicity and asked the man to came out.

It wasn't just any man, though. He looked exactly like my late grandfather, Herald, who had passed about three and a half years before. Bobby saw him a few months ago and, noticing the uncanny resemblance, hired him for the prank. My grandmother, with a head woozy from the concussion, fell for it, began crying, and hugged him. Then the man yelled, "April Fools," and my grandmother's weak heart gave out. She had a massive heart attack and died right there on the floor.

So, you see, there's a reason I never laugh on... APRIL FOOLS! Har, har, har, who didn't see that coming? AMIRITE? BLAMO!

No, but seriously, I do hate today, but that doesn't mean everyone else does. In fact, we ran some fake news articles. You'll never guess which ones. Actually, if you're a regular reader, you might have a hard time. I wasn't even sure sometimes.

Everything else was real. Honestly. Even the Chonga show, unfortunately.

My Voice Nation Help
0 comments

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

General

Loading...