Dave Barry Had a Hole Cut in His Scrotum and Wants You to Know

​Beloved humor columnist Dave Barry no longer writes his weekly syndicated column for the Miami Herald (much to the chagrin of the paper's circulation department, we're sure). He  hasn't completely hung up his pen, but he  has hung up his sperm; and he's written all about it in his new book, I'll Mature When I'm Dead.

Barry, who is married to Herald sports scribe Michelle Kaufman, decided his young daughter would be his last offspring, so he got a vasectomy.

"Vasectomy is a safe, effective, and reliable procedure," Barry writes, according to the Daily Beast, "and there is absolutely no reason to be afraid of it, except that: They cut a hole in your scrotum."

After some Michael Jackson-strength prescriptions and a bag of frozen peas between his legs, he was back to normal (well, normal for him anyway).

If you want to read more about Barry's balls, buy the book, which hit shelves yesterday.