Thousands of Angry Activists Expected to Destroy Tampa in 2012

It's like Miami, but with uglier beaches and whiter people.

​Tampa, our slightly "off" cousin to the northwest, has been chosen to host the 2012 Republican National Convention in which the Grand Ol' Party will nominate Sarah Palin or Marco Rubio or Ron Paul or someone else slightly "off" to take on President Obama in the election. Congratulations Tampa! Get your tear gas, smoke bombs, pepper spray, flash bangs, and rubber bullets ready! Let's just hope the GOP doesn't nominate someone who pissed off the Tea Baggers, because good Lord it might really get ugly then.

It will mark the first time a presidential nomination convention has been held in Florida by either party since 1972, when both parties held their events right here in Miami Beach. That of course was the year when Republicans re-nominated that crook Richard Nixon, and Democrats maneuvered against party activists to ensure George McGovern won (and then go on to one of the worst presidential defeats in history). So you know, neither party exactly has happy memories here.

Tampa beat out Salt Lake City and Phoenix (ironically, because of those immigration laws). Tampa was also bidding for the Democratic National Convention.