Florida Marlins vs. Philadelphia Phillies: 1 Win, 1 Loss, and 1 Game Postponed

Denis Bancroft

​Your Florida Marlins just finished their series with the Philadelphia Phillies last night. The series was highlighted by the much-anticipated call up and debut of Marlins phenom prospect Mike Stanton. And the kid did not disappoint. Wish the same could be said for the bullpen, which, once again, crapped all over the good times. Nice going, jerks! Here's how it all went down:

Game 1, Marlins 8 - Phillies 10: Eight runs should be enough for any team to come out with a win. But since the Marlins have pitchers who throw like Dick Van Patten coming out of the bullpen, eight certainly wasn't enough. Still, this game was all about Mike Stanton's big league debut. Stanton's first major league at-bat was a single, which eventually led to him using his super-human speed to score a run off of Ronny Paulino's two-out double. Stanton finished the night 3-for-5, a pretty solid debut for the future star. As far as the pitching? Move on. Nothing to see here. No, really.

Game 2, Postponed due to rain: No word on if the players ran around the wet infield like Kevin Costner in Bull Durham. Also, does anyone else find it amazing that Kevin Costner, of all people, might be the savior of the oil spill crisis? He's still not off the hook for Waterworld though.

Game 3, Marlins 2 - Phillies 0: Need a four game losing streak to end? Go to your stopper. Josh Johnson got hosed last Saturday, pitching a great game but still being on the 1-0 losing end of Roy Halladay's perfect game. And the run wasn't even earned! But JJ is not one to linger on the past. JJ lives on a diet of shark meat and scrap metal. Johnson has had six straight games of 6-plus innings pitched with one (or no) runs allowed. That's Chris Carpenter circa 2005 territory. Forget Kevin Costner. We should just send JJ to the gulf. Someone get the President on the phone!

Highlights: Josh Johnson stops the bleeding with his magic arm. Nod also goes to Mike Stanton. Kid seems to be the real deal, and is another piece of what looks to be a bright future for the Fish, along with Hanley, Cameron Maybin and Chris Coghlan. Until the Marlins trade them all away, of course.<

Lowlights: Holy ass-balls, the bullpen stinks!

Up Next: An inter-league weekend series against the dangerous Tampa Bay Rays. Remember when the Rays were the laughing stock of the MLB and the Marlins could count them as an automatic win? Good times. (Someone call Kevin Costner!)