Florida Marlins Win Four-Game Series Against Milwaukee Brewers

Denis Bancroft

NL Rookie of the Year Chris Coghlan

​Your Florida Marlins finished a four-game series with the Milwaukee Brewers last night. After a tough battle with the Phillies last weekend, including having a perfect game thrown against them (where was Jim Joyce then?!?) the Fish went all Samuel L. Jackson on the Brewers. Not sure what that means, but it sounds awesome. Here's how it all went down:

Game 1, Marlins 13 - Brewers 5: What's the best way to overcome a 4-0 deficit after five innings? Tack seven runs on the board in the sixth, while adding a Cameron Maybin inside-the-park homerun for just for kicks. Chris Coghlan led the sixth off with a seemingly innocent single. Then things got crazy. Twenty minutes later, the Marlins had dropped seven runs on the Brewer's faces, including Maybin's inside-the-park homer. Maybin hit a line drive into centerfield and by the time Milwaukee's defense could get the ball back into the infield, he was crossing home plate standing. Cameron Maybin's speed can rip the very fabric of time and space. True story.

Game 2, Marlins 6 - Brewers 4: Reining NL Rookie of the Year Chris Coghlan has had a rough start to the season. But Chris Coghlan decided that this aggression will not stand, man. So he did what any struggling finely tuned athlete would do. He changed his intro music. Coghlan decided that Southern Rock wasn't getting it done, so he opted for some Christian hip hop instead. FUCK YEA!!! LET'S DO THIS!!! Wait. What? Coghlan was entering every at-bat with Alabama's "Song of the South." But since changing it to "Rebel Intro" by Lecrae, he's been hitting the cover off the ball. Coghlan started game two with a lead-off homer and finished with an RBI, three hits and two runs. Just a pinch of Jesus-and-rhymes between your cheek and gums. That's how the big leaguers do it.

Game 3, Marlins 4 - Brewers 7: Milwaukee's Yovani Gallardo is a horse. His 7.1 innings pitched resulted in only one run for the Fish, while being mowed down four times and getting only four hits off the Brewers' ace. It was a tough loss. The good news is this was the same night Detroit's Armando Galarraga was robbed of a perfect game by umpire Jim Joyce, so nobody really noticed.

Game 4, Marlins 3 - Brewers 2: Speaking of perfect games, Josh Johnson was the losing pitcher last Saturday night when the Phillies' Roy Halladay threw his against Florida. Had it not been for a Marlins error that led to Philadelphia's lone run of the night, Halladay would've had to take his perfecto into extra innings with a 0-0 tie. Blimey! Johnson exacted his vengeance on the Brewers' offense with another stellar performance, going seven innings and issuing only three walks while delivering eight strikeouts. Ronny Paulino and Dan Uggla's three RBI were all JJ needed for the win. The two runs the Brewers got were against the Florida bullpen. Assballs.

Highlights: Cameron Maybin gets the highlight of the week with his stand-up, inside-the-park homerun. Honorable mention goes to Jesus.

Lowlights: The bullpen remains a problem, but the offense more than made up for it this week. Let's play the Brewers every night!

Up Next: The Marlins visit the New York Mets for the weekend. That's actually better than playing the Brewers every night, because the wins come with an extra dollop of "Shut the hell up New York!"