Oil Finally Stops Gushing Into Gulf, Says BP

​It took those fucktards at BP nearly three months, but they've finally stopped the leakage of oil into the Gulf of Mexico. So they say. The company says all valves have been shut on a new cap, thus stopping the flow at exactly 2:25 p.m. today. Gee, and only 4,200,000 gallons of oil managed to spill into the Gulf.

This is the first time oil has stopped leaking into the Gulf since the initial explosion in April. However, not even this fix is permanent. BP is currently conducting pressure tests to ensure that the new cap will hold.

BP is currently drilling two relief wells so they can finally plug up the mess with mud and concrete for good.

Efforts to drill the relief wells have been ongoing since early May, and are not expected to be operational until at least August (this is the first and only time we'll say this: drill, baby, drill).