The Craziest Things Said During the Summer of LeBron

​LeBron James tore a hole in the fabric of the universe when he announced on live television he was joining the Miami Heat. And wow, did people say some really dumb/crazy things about it. Here's our compendium, in roughly chronological form, of the looniest and most mind-melting quotes from the Summer of LeBron:

"You could see LeBron fitting in pretty well there."
That's the president trying to persuade LeBron to pick the Chicago Bulls. Yeah, the president of the United States. Don't worry -- Biden is watching the shop.

"In this fall, I'm taking my talents to South Beach."
This all-important sentence came out sounding like something a horny Ukrainian exchange student might sputter -- especially because the Heat plays, y'know, downtown. If LeBron knew the true heart of Miami, he would've said, "I'm taking my talents to Hialeah."

"The self-declared former 'King' will be taking the 'curse' with him down South."
We could have plucked any line from Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert's screed, published online minutes after LeBron's decision. If you haven't seen it, think Ted Kaczynski in comic sans.