If Miami Heat Lose, Hollywood Bar Will Pick Up Your Tab

This woman is drunk. So too can you be-- for free.

The bar has pledged to pick up your drinks tab -- up to $25 -- if the Heat lose. The only rule is that patrons have to sign in at the bar half an hour before each game starts. "We don't want people watching the games at home, and then running to the bar to start a tab if something starts to go wrong for the Heat," explains promotions director Jen Roberts.

The bar would have a better chance at getting mileage out of this gimmick if it wasn't for a tough opening schedule. The Heat play East Conference champion Celtics in Boston tonight, and take on Philadelphia on Wednesday. Their home opener is against the vaunted Orlando Magic on Friday. Dwyane Wade, meanwhile, missed most of the preseason with an injury -- and LeBron James' hamstring has been nagging him as well.

While we would never deign to suggest that the Heat won't go undefeated this season, all we're saying is we're going to Whiskey Tango tonight with no cash in our pockets -- and we're starting a tab with a maxed-out credit card. We have a gambling problem.