Jersey Shore Damage Report: The Situation's Bitchuation
It even seemed that the cast was ready to give peace a chance, and Snooki tried to bury the hatch with Sammi. The way she handled it was actually really mature. She sat down, calmly explained the situation and tried to salvage the relationship. It probably would have worked had it not been for the fact that Snooki and JWoww are a package deal, and Sammi isn't yet ready to sign a South Beach peace treaty with the girl she got in an epic fight with just weeks ago.
At the last minute, Romona arrives. Turns out she's from Romania. Romona from Romania. Vinny says she's the most interesting girl he's met in Miami because she's foreign and speaks three languages. Apparently, Vinny hasn't met that many girls in Miami, because roughly about half the locals are foreign and speak half a dozen languages, but whatever. The two end up having a good time, and Romona from Romania even ends up planting a kiss on our little Vinny.
Jenny: Ok, honey, your plane takes off at 9:30 at JFK.
Ryder: So I gotta be there at a third past 27 o'clock?
Jenny: No, you should probably get there at 6:30.
Ryder: So I should get there on June 30th?
Jenny: No, no, honey, 6:30 am at JFK.
Ryder: Ok got it, I travel back in time to JFK's inauguration. Find the tiny airport inside of his hair, look for the plane piloted by a sad looking clown, and that'll take me to Miami?
Jenny: Yeah, sure, whatever, exactly.
Snooki: No, no, no, no. The tiny airport is actually located in JFK's breast pocket, and she needs to get on the plane piloted by the sad Mime. Sad Clown Airlines only flies to Los Angeles and backwards to ancient Egypt.
A small hope of peace between Jenny and Sammi, Vinny finally getting together with Romana from Romania, and Snooki with her best friend: it seemed things were finally going right for everyone.
Of course, something had to ruin it. That something was the Situation.
On night one Mike is doing his usual bullshit by being super-aggressive with girl. He lifts up his shirt and lets girls rub his abs, unaware that they probably treat it as a joke rather than it meaning anything more. He literally picks up a few girls, at one point, juggling about three over his head. Apparently, girls don't like that. See, not all Miami girls are trashy, bro. So basically he's shut down, and when the Situation ain't happy, ain't no body happy.
At some point he's anointed upon himself the responsibility of gathering everyone up and the end of the night.
Problem is everyone else is having a good time. Snooki is busy dry humping a coach she's made a deep connection to. Sammi and Ronni are sitting in a corner doing their best impression of Statler and Waldorf from The Muppet Show imitation, Vinny is knee deep in the girls Mike has scared off. Everyone is happy but Mike, and Snooki isn't having any of it. You do not mess with Snooki, and a verbal fight escalates.
Everything seems to be fine by the morning, but the next night the crew head out to Klutch again and Mike pulls the same shit, except ten times worse.
Shot down once again, Mike begins to pout and decides to pull the "round up" routine once again. Snooki leads the resistance, and Mike gives her a tap across the cheek. Which wasn't as violent as it was disrespectfully out of line. The rest of the crew rebels, and instead of letting his friends enjoy themselves Mike continues to try and end their night.
This new annoying Situation is a far worse and far sadder beast. Frankly for a dude who oozes so much confidence, it's surprising that underneath he's just a little bitch.