Miami PD's Most Wanted Gangleader to Hold Summit Promoting Bing Search Engine
The wanted gangster, known for his eccentric tendency to wear two headbands, his unapologetic support of Wayne Chrebet, and his love of St. Tropez, is allegedly associated with the underworld search engine "Bada" Bing. Helmed by Bill "The Algorithm" Gates-- a reputed Seattle internetlord embroiled in a decades-long war with a North California technology cartel-- the search engine is commonly used for such web queries as "brass knuckles" and "black eyes how to give them".
|The suspects in an undated infrared photo taken at a previous summit.|
Miami Police sources tell Riptide they're not sure how the whole thing's going to work, really. But they fear that the announcement could spark an ugly publishing conflict resulting in terse, rapid-fire e-mails or even buyout packages along the foothills of Madison Avenue.
From intercepted correspondence between the gangland fugitive's publicist and a suspect journalist:
In addition to high-profile media placements around the world, all 300 pages of "DECODED" will be appearing in places and on objects that have never before been used as advertising. From pools and pool tables to bronze plaques and high-fashion clothing racks, a variety of unexpected surfaces will become the canvas for JAY-Z's art.
Nobody knows what it means.