What the F%&k is Amendment 4?

Categories: Politicks
amendment4.jpg
This has all gotten a little out of control.
We're pretty sure Amendment 4 has something to do with putting land-use and zoning issues up to a public vote-- giving voters veto power over elected officials. But when we try to fathom anything beyond that one sentence-- which took us forty-five minutes to write-- our head hurts so we go home and turn on the television to see if Judge Judy is on, and we end up watching commercials telling us to vote/not vote for Amendment 4. And that's when shit get's really weird.

Here's what our TV and internet has been telling us about Amendment 4:

1. It's pro bongos.

No instrument is more ominously ethnic than the bongo. Well, maybe the didgeridoo. Anyway, here is the horrifying tale of a white businesswoman who tried to rid St. Pete Beach of a "bongo bar" in order to build a hotel for white businesswomen, but an Amendment 4-esque law stopped her. The humanity! The Resident Evil-esque sepia tones!

2. It will save Florida from armies of corrupt zombie politicians.

According to this ad, Florida has seen seven politicians arrested a month for the last ten years. When it comes to corruption, we make Juarez look like Manitoba. Amendment 4 will render our scheming public officials powerless, and will also save us from "higher taxes, empty strip malls, bad traffic, and crowded schools." But will it cut off Perez Hilton's internet access and vacuum sand from our ass cracks every time we return from the beach?

3. Only Nazis, perverts, and other assorted freaks like it.

From the Vote No on 4 site:

Some of the groups funding Amendment 4 are special interest lawyers, the Sierra Club, adult entertainment interests and population-control advocates.

4. It will save talking animals from extinction.

5. Bobra Bush fucking hates it.

That's not a horribly idiotic typo -- apparently there's this other white businesswoman who is named Bobra Bush. If you squint really hard and barely listen while watching this, you can convince yourself that the former First Lady is telling you to vote against Amendment 4 -- which is why, we're guessing, Bobra Bush got her own commercial.

Like this Story?

Sign up for the Weekly Newsletter: Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.

Privacy Policy
Sign up for free stuff, news info & more!

Tools

General

Browse Voice Nation
  • Voice Places

    Voice Places

    Discover restaurants, nightlife, travel, shopping...

  • VOICE Daily Deals

    VOICE Daily Deals

    Get 50 to 90% off every day on restaurants, movies, massages...

  • Best Of

    Best Of...

    More than 10,000 of the BEST things to eat, drink, and experience

  • My Voice Nation

    My Voice Nation

    Join the Village Voice community and get exclusive deals and info

  • Happy Hour

    Happy Hour

    Your local Happy Hour guide at your fingertips

or

Log in or Sign up

Social Connect:

Use your favorite account to access My Voice Nation.


Use your My Voice Nation account to log in:





Forgot password?
or

Sign Up or Log in

Social Connect:

Sign up for My Voice Nation with your preferred network.


Sign up for a My Voice Nation account:



Privacy policy