Miami Police Benevolent Association BBQ Sucks, According to Some Guy Who Still Uses a Typewriter

"Keep out the free loaders" seems to be the spirit of the times

​Hell hath no fury like the typo-ridden scorn of a retired Miami policeman denied his franks and beans. At least, that's the impression we got this morning when we looked in our mailbox and found a doozy of a letter to the editor.

Apparently, the Miami Police Benevolent Association's yearly barbecue is not what it used to be.

"WE ARRIVE AT ONE THIRTY AND THE FOOD IS GONE," the letter complains in sentences so crankily type-written that you can practically smell the old man ink. "KEEP OUT THE FREE LOADERS. THIS IS NOT THE MIAMI RESCUE MISSION."

Click through to see the letter in its glorious rage.

Miami Police Benevolent Association Letter

How do we know that this letter isn't a forgery by some rabble-rousing whippersnapper trying besmirch the name of the Miami Police Benevolent Association?

Well, our team of New Times scientists tells us that only octogenarians go to Denny's. Plus, four hours travel works out to be a road trip from Orlando at 55 miles an hour.

Sounds about right.