The TSA Is Racist And Stupid

Categories: Luke's Gospel
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Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke gets in on the Transportation Safety Administration body scanner controversy.

The Transportation Security Administration employees get to see a lot of naked people nowadays. Before I traveled to Atlanta to spend Thanksgiving with my family, I was cool with the idea of the X-Ray body scanners at airport security checkpoints. Patting people down is molestation. I have a problem with that. The only time anybody should get searched is if they are being placed under arrest.

But then I had to step through the scanner myself this past November 25. First of all, it was only minorities going through the motherfucker. It was myself, four other black folks, an Asian lady and an Arab dude. All the white people went through the metal detector.

When I stepped onto the machine, they told me to hold my arms over my head and cup my hands. Before I stepped out, I shot the bird at the person who was looking at me. I felt violated. It felt as if they were analyzing my body parts.

I wondered if there was a lady on the other end and did she appreciate my assets? After all, that is what most men want to know. I would feel more comfortable if they took me into a separate room and have a lady look at me naked. In fact, every citizen should have a choice of who looks at them naked.

Really, who is the person behind the camera? How does the TSA pick the people who look at us naked? How do they make sure they are not perverts? And how many hours do they spend looking at naked people? Do they relieve them before they become freaks from staring at so many genitals?

And if employees get fired, how do authorities make sure they won't retaliate by writing a tell-all-book on which male celebrities are well-endowed and which ones are packing Vienna sausages? In today's social media crazy world, you'll have some disgruntled TSA employee tweeting about Lil Wayne's private parts.

The TSA tells the public that we need to stay one step ahead of the terrorists. But this is ridiculous. Even if we turn airports into fortresses, those who want to do us harm will find a way. It is the reality of the world we live in. The federal government should be spending more money on the people whose job it is to stop terror attacks.

More resources need to be given to the FBI, the CIA, and local law enforcement to profile and track down the real terrorists  like they did with the arrest of the alleged Christmas tree bomber in Portland, Oregon.

Until that happens, I'm gonna keep holding up my middle finger to the TSA. Or maybe they should change their names to the T 'n' A.

Follow Luke on Twitter: @unclelukereal1.
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