LeBron-less Heat Trounced by Nuggets

Categories: Sports
bosh nuggets.jpg
The Miami Heat suited up against Denver last night without LeBron James and his karma-fucked ankle. This was also the last game before the Heat return to the east coast where when it's 7:30, it's not actually 10:30. Mix in a dash of Mario Chalmers bricks and a Mike Miller who suddenly treats the basketball like it was dipped in a vat of syphilis, and the results were pretty much what you'd expect: a 130-102 beatdown at the hands of the Nuggets.

Denver backup point guard J.R. Smith scored 28, while Carmelo Anthony (HE'S STILL THERE?) added 21.

The Heat suffered their the first back-to-back loss since November, and the eventual 130 would be the most points the Heat have surrendered to an opponent all season. But, unlike Wednesday night, where the Heat played like they gave a shit, Miami played like a bunch of guys who couldn't wait to get out of Denver. In Detroit or New Jersey, this behavior would be understandable, even encouraged. But Denver? By the time the third quarter rolled around, the Heat were wallowing in a pool of their own suck, trailing by 32 and waiting for the clock to strike triple-zeroes.

Chris Bosh scored 24, with Dwyane Wade adding 16. Missing was, of course, LeBron and his 25 points a night. Instead, we were treated to 29 minutes of Mario Chalmers and his ill-timed, ill-conceived shot selection. Rio finished the night with 14 points, but that's only because he won't stop indiscriminately firing up shots, even though there's a perfectly good Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh sitting there waiting to be used. LeBron's ankle needs to heal soon. And if karma does exist, Mario Chalmers needs to be beaned in the dick with one of his own horrible shots after it careens off the side of the backboard.

Meanwhile, Mike Miller continues to show all the basketball dexterity of a guy who has never seen a basketball in his life. He's afraid to take shots, and can't find his game. It's painful to watch because Erik Spoelstra knows the only way to get Miller on track is to play him for as many minutes as possible, without sacrificing the game. It's really the only plan at this point. The problem is, once Miller gets the call off the bench and is on the court, he runs around aimlessly from end to end like a moose shot with a tranquilizer. When the ball does get in his hands, he fires it timidly, like he doesn't want to hurt the rim of the basket. If Miller doesn't find his game soon, the Heat could be seriously fucked.

The Heat visit the Chicago Bulls on Saturday, which gives them two days to rest up. It also gives LeBron more time to heal his ankle. Karma needs to stop being a dick, already.

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2 comments
Jay Cool
Jay Cool

Your writing style is hilarious! Great read!

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