The 10 Sexiest Miamians
But we're so much more than that. We are also crazy-huge booties and rock hard six-pack abs. We are tans the color of Key Biscayne sunsets and weird Barbie hair that breaks apart if you touch it. We are Gloria Estefan.
However, Gloria Estefan is not sexy -- enough to make this list, anyhow. We now bring you the authoritative, scientifically-proven list of the ten hottest Miamians we ever thought of in eight minutes.
Hey-- we heard that collective groan. But come on, she's Snooki, the ultimate honorary Miamian. She's forever glowing orange like a camping flashlight you don't have to shake. She is the very definition of DTF.
You didn't think we were just going to list women, did you? Just look into this dude's steamy eyes and tell me you're not imagining riding Palominos up some Colombian mountainside with him and ravenously eating pomegranates beside a cool stream. He's like Scott Stapp, but with twelve chest hairs and none of that unattractive Caucasian angst.
8. Miss Hialeah
Did you even know that there was a Miss Hialeah, and that this is her Facebook photo? Neither did we, but we're going to Google Danaily Belaunzaran more often.
7. Eva Mendes
Wikipedia tells us she's a Miami Cuban who aspired to be a nun. We tell Wikipedia that we're glad that didn't happen.
6. Elian Gonzalez
He's so hot he set off an international firestorm. And in just eleven months, ladies/dictators, he's legal!