Mugshots Friday: "Big Boy" and the Future Stalker

​Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken in Miami-Dade County in the previous week. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain-out look more badass than we ever will . This is the italicized intro to that series.

​Arrested: 2/11
Charged with: Armed robbery
Well, this guy's just given up on ever losing weight.

​Arrested: 2/10
Charge: Marijuana possession
One one hand, he's terrifying and unemployable and can never hug his nephew without the little kid running away screaming. On the other hand, he's totally post-racial.

​Arrested: 2/12
Charged with: Retail theft
We know there's a lot going on here, but what we're wondering is: Is that a fake Cindy Crawford mole?

​Arrested: 02/13
Charged with: Stalking, aggravated battery
This lady came from the future to stalk her man. George Clinton once made a song about it.