Don't Worry, Brandon Marshall, You Didn't Make Our Top 10 Stupidest Athlete Injuries of All Time

Categories: Listicles, Sports
Brandon Marshall.jpg
Brandon Marshall, just the latest athlete to get injured under strange circumstances.
"If you prick a baller, does he not bleed?" -- William Shakespeare

Professional athletes are finely tuned machines: millions of dollars' worth of ESPN-highlight-generating speed, torque, power, and finesse. But behind the oversize egos and titanic Twitter followings, pro ballers are flesh and blood like the rest of us. Case in point: this weekend's strange spousal stabbing of Dolphins wide receiver Brandon Marshall.

In honor of what we hope is Marshall's speedy and complete recovery (we traded half the team for him, after all), we've put together a list of the top 10 dumbest sports injuries of all time.

10. Sammy Sosa:
In 2004, the Dominican slugger missed a game against the Padres due to a back injury. The culprit: a violent sneeze, Sosa claimed. "It would have been better if I had hit off the wall or we have a fight or something, but this... you know what I mean?" he said at the time. If the injury sounds unnatural, so are the steroids Sosa tested positive for five years later.

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Wade Boggs: Known for his mustache, cowboy boots, and hitting ability.
9. Wade Boggs:
Another equally stupid baseball injury occurred when Hall of Fame hitter Wade Boggs injured his back while pulling on his cowboy boots.

8. Felix Pie:
The Cubs outfielder missed a handful of games in 2008 for a twisted testicle. No word on how he managed that feat.

7. Santi Canizares and David Seaman:
Soccer is known as a cerebral sport in which coaches approach each game like a chess match. But soccer stars can be stupid too. Spanish goalie Santi Canizares missed out on the 2002 World Cup after dropping a cologne bottle on his foot. His English counterpart, David Seaman, once broke a bone stretching for the television remote.

6. Lyndsey Vonn:
Stupid injuries know no gender bias. At the 2009 World Skiing Championship, U.S. Olympian Lyndsey Vonn missed an event after cutting her thumb tendon on a broken bottle of champagne (Vonn had already won another event).

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industrial injury compensation

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I cannot believe that Gramatica did not make this list when he injured himself while celebrating a field goal.

Michael Miller
Michael Miller

We considered it, but felt that kickers have suffered enough humiliation as it is.

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