Eastern Conference Champions! F%$# Yea!
The Heat took a giant dump on the Bulls and their 12 point lead and went on an 18-3 run that put them over the top, won them the Eastern Conference, and sent them to their first NBA Finals since 2006. Champagne breakfast for everyone!
- The super computers over at Accuscore.com did 10,000 simulations and calculated that the Heat had just one percent chance of winning the game with just 3:14 remaining. LeBron and D-Wade's collective awesomeness broke Accuscore and now the machines are all self-aware and we're all going to perish. Thanks a lot, LeBron and D-Wade! Jerks.
- Dwyane Wade was all manner of shitty throughout most of the game. He couldn't create space offensively, had no lift when he went to the basket, was tentative with his shots, and committed nine turnovers. And yet all the suck was just a temporary set-back to the demolition he put on at the end with his good pal LeBron. People were calling for D-Wade to be benched for the rest of the game! Those people have tiny wieners.
- The Bulls and their fans were not the only ones that were all, "The fuck just happened, man?" after the game.
"We don't even know what happened," Heat guard Dwyane Wade said when it was over. "I can't even lie to you and say we do." "We want to watch the last four minutes of the game to see what happened," forward LeBron James said on the postgame podium.Even LeBron and Wade can't believe their own epic awesome.
- Zero points last night for the Doucheinator known as Taj Gibson. Remember when everyone went bananas after he made that dunk over Dwyane Wade in Game 1 of this series? He's free to go watch the clip of that dunk over and over and over again now for the remainder of the summer. That dunk was bomb-ass titties, Taj!
- Mike Miller once again made an impact, scoring seven points, being active on the boards, and playing smart defense even though the man has no working extremities. His baby daughter is in the hospital, so that makes it an even more amazing feat.
- Derrick Rose, The World's Most Humblest Human Person, was once again neutered by LeBron's defense. The league MVP went 1-for-10 with two turnovers when LeBron was all up in his business, and his shooting percentage was a paltry 6.3 percent when defended by James.
- LeFuck you, Skip Bayless!
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