Interpreting LeBron James and Dwyane Wade's Post-Game Outfits

First off: Is there any better evidence that the Miami Heat's Big Three is really a two-headed beast than the fact that Dwyane Wade and LeBron James always hold a tandem press conference with Chris Bosh later speaking to reporters alone? If this team is a circus, Wade and LeBron are the tightrope walker (Wade) and the bearded lady (LeBron) all the villagers came to see, and Bosh is the elephant quietly eating peanuts in the back.

Secondly: If Wade and LeBron's play has been mesmerizing recently, the real show has been their outfits during those postgame conferences. They are doing things with sweaters the world has never seen before. Being fashion experts, we're going to take you back to the beginning of the playoffs-- excepting games in which they didn't do the postgame conference or we couldn't find footage-- and tell you what their outfits say about their psyche that night. Cue the video!

Round 1, Game 2: Win against Sixers.

Here, LeBron says: Not only am I a magician with the basketball, but I'm doing things with collars and tie knots that won't appear in the pages of GQ until the year 2017, when Biff runs the world. In fact, I am Biff.

Wade says: Touch me, hold me, pick me up by my shoulder handles, Miami. I am but your doll. I am, however, perturbed that I have this delicious cookie but no Gatorade to wash it down with.

Round 1, Game 2, after win against Sixers

LeBron: You know that Biggie lyric about the "red and black lumberjack"? Well I had my people's people make a scarf out of that lyric. It's available at Macy's. Also, I know who killed Biggie. I'll reveal it in a television event with Jim Grey after we win a championship.

Wade: I stole your futuristic collar idea, bitch.

Round 1, Game 5, after eliminating Sixers

James: I dressed like a homeless guy today to support Ted "The Golden Voice" Williams. My people are in talks with his people about getting him to follow me around and narrate my life. Might go with Morgan Freeman instead, though.

Wade: In celebration I have painted my upper torso white and will drink two different flavors of Gatorade!