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The Ten Best Nicknames For the Marlins Stadium: Help Us Pick A Winner (Update: We Have a Champion)

Categories: Politicks
marlinsstadium200.jpg
What horrible nickname will stick?
​Wow. We knew you guys detested the Marlins Stadium deal, but now we're afraid Miami needs some serious, professional therapy (or at least a big morning hit of Valium) to cope with the Little Havana boondoggle.

We got nearly one hundred suggestions after we asked for a snarky nickname for the ballpark, from regular readers, political activists -- even from one of the candidates running for Miami-Dade County mayor! (Nope, not Uncle Luke). Click through for highlights and to vote on our ten favorites.

Quite a few nicknames took swipes at the lying liars who lied to us while building their house of lies, from the "Ethics Violations Dome" to the "Liar Bowl" to the wordy but accurate "Billionaire Owners Screwed the Taxpayers Again Field."

Others went for the Fish puns, opting for the "Fish Locker" (look it up on Urban Dictionary, as the namer suggests), the "No Attendance Aquarium" and the "Fishhook."

Our Best Entry by a Real Candidate award goes to mayoral hopeful Gabrielle Redfern, who nominates "The Money Pimple" and notes, "I would require the Marlins to pay for future renovations to Dolphins Stadium, if that is what it will take to get the Super Bowl back here." Amen!

But, alas, we have to winnow the pages and pages of stadium rage down to our favorites. Here are our ten picks. Leave your vote in the comments, and we'll update with the winner tomorrow.

One lucky nicknamer gets tickets to the Marlins-Rays series later this month, where hopefully they'll run into David Samson in the hallway and can let him know exactly what we all plan to call his new taxpayer-funded palace.

The Finalists

  • El Estadio de los Douches
  • Candle'Shaft Park
  • The Shit Tank
  • The Money Diaz Pit
  • The Fishstank
  • The Squander Yonder
  • Tropicorrupto Field
  • Loan Shark Aquarium
  • Recall Ballpark
  • The Dong Dome

While Miami votes on a winner, don't forget to check out our feature story on the six biggest lies about the new stadium.

Update: The votes have been tallied, the snarkiest New Times minds have been consulted and we have a winner: The Squander Yonder.

There's the effortless rhyming, the take down of wasted tax dollars and the use of old-timey American idioms, which -- sweet sassy molassy! -- we always appreciate.

Congrats to Miguel Martin Velasquez for the winner and thanks for the great suggestions. Now seriously, find some anger management classes, or at least a good bottle of whiskey.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

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20 comments
$4 Billion stolen
$4 Billion stolen

How about

"Manny Diaz and Carlos Alvarez stole $4 Bil from the taxpayers Stadium"?

pepinelloco
pepinelloco

Can we call it David Samson Is A Sneaky Bastard Stadium!

No
No

loanshark aquarium

NickR
NickR

I vote "Money Pimple".

Floydian4ever
Floydian4ever

Interesting choices but my nickname for it is the BOHICA Ballpark as in Bend Over Here It Comes Again because thats what all taxpayers will be doing forever as well as the suckers that will buy overpriced season tickets and concessions.

Rene
Rene

like the Chum Bucket best

Bankruptcy Ballpark
Bankruptcy Ballpark

How about Bankruptcy Ballpark?

Obviously, the County and City taxpayers will go bankrupt paying over $4 BILLION for the Marlins bail-out.

Mik
Mik

Like squander yonder the best. I mean all the others are insulting to Miami or the Marlins

Dayna Torres
Dayna Torres

Alright...selection isn't that great but I'll go with The Shit Tank. Maybe even The Dong Dome...for the days when I want to keep it classy.

Sam
Sam

squander yonder stadium

Ryan McGrath
Ryan McGrath

Loan Shark Aquarium would be great, but I just can't help but vote for The Dong Dome. It has a real ring to it.

Robert Lee
Robert Lee

would be nice to somehow continue the Orange Bowl motif...hmm..orange you glad we didn't put any tax dollars into this money pit stadium...oh, sorry....got me facts mixed up....Welfare for Millionaires stadium?.....Robaina's Flip-Flop stadium?...hmm...bowl, fish,,,,,spent our treasure...Gold Fish Bowl?...hey, publicly funded stadiums are like fish...after a few days they tend to stink.....smell foul....Foul Ball stadium?

Jreed002
Jreed002

I like the one that rhymes. The "squander yonder" is catchy and serves the purpose that it's intended!! This slogan is the best choice!

Sabrone
Sabrone

Loan Shark Aquarium - Great play on words; almost spit coffee through my nose.

Joel
Joel

Wow, those finalists are shit. Sore loser? Sure, but they're still shit.

Cam
Cam

Agreed, the best one by far :D

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