Lakers' Ron Artest Picks Heat to Win In 4 or 5 or 6 or Not At All

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Ron Artest, the NBA's favorite halftime-boozingriot-inducing maniac, has gotten quite interested in this year's NBA Finals -- unencumbered by playoff obligations of his own, he's been making predictions for a week despite not knowing what day the games are on or what city they're being played in.

Stunning statistical analysis aside, Artest may have been biased in Miami's direction by what appears to be a trip to Urban Beach Weekend:

Memorial day was banging in Miami Packed It's time to party now31 May via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply


Wow Now I see a tiger skin blouse Let's party31 May via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply


Omg!!! I see an elephant in a thong31 May via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply


With such an indelibly positive opinion of the city, it was inevitable that he picked the Heat to possibly sweep the Mavs:

I'm extremely proud of Dallas Not a hater But I think Miami in four or five31 May via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply


...or maybe not:

Can Dallas sweep the heat?31 May via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply


Nope.

I don't care who wins But I got heat in 51 Jun via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply


Oh, wait. No. Four games, plus a thesaurus:

Miami in four not five if dirk is hurt But j Terry will have big games1 Jun via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply


I like the mavs And coach Rick But I just think the three headed cerebellum us too much for dirk and his perks3 Jun via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply


But then he seems to think a Mavericks win isn't entirely impossible...
  

If Dallas wins four one I'll run down Santa monica with electrical shocks on my chest nipples3 Jun via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply


Thank goodness he clarified that he was talking about electrocuting his CHEST nipples. But all that electrical talk apparently got The Clothesline in a recalculating mood:

Ok I was wrong I got mavs in six I mis calculated If lebron gets this win n Dallas I'm going on record as saying he is great!!3 Jun via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply


Thankfully, he then re-recalulated. Kind of.

But let me say this I can't see Miami winning now But I will still say Miami in six But I don't believe3 Jun via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply


So we've got the support of the baller/rap producer behind the internationally acclaimed (and inexplicably sneaker-themed) "Ball'n Mixtape," put together by the "World Wide Wariers."
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Between Artest tweeting and Archbishop Thomas Wenski throwing down the "ecclesiastical gauntlet," how could we lose?


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