Marlins Dig Up Jack McKeon, Might Put Him in Charge (UPDATE: He's in)

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Update 5:20 p.m.: McKeon is officially the team's interim manager -- he answered questions about his age at a press conference Monday and said he thought the Marlins had a shot to play in October even though he's "not hip with the Twitter or Facebook or something like that," according to the Palm Beach Post.

Former Marlins skipper Jack McKeon is going to come back to manage the nose-diving team, according to ESPN. McKeon, who helped the Marlins win the 2003 World Series using management skills he learned from observing Noah build his ark, retired in 2005 so he could spend more time turning into a pile of dust.

But manager Edwin Rodriguez resigned yesterday when he realized his team had forgotten how to play baseball, and now McKeon -- whose players were comparing him to a grandfather six years ago -- is likely the new man for the job.

If the 80-year-old McKeon is actually hired as interim manager, it would make him the second oldest manager in major league history, behind Connie Mack, who started managing the Philadelphia Athletics shortly before the extinction of the wooly mammoths.

To give you an idea of how long 80 years is in baseball-time, he's older than outfielders Emilio Bonifacio, Logan Morrison and Mike Stanton combined, and he started managing in 1973, before any of the current Marlins were alive.

McKeon was born before Babe Ruth's famous called shot; he was old enough to read about Joe DiMaggio's hit streak in the papers, and he was 16 when Jackie Robinson first laced up for the Dodgers. By the time Hank Aaron broke Ruth's home run record in 1974, McKeon was already much too old to play.

And at his first managing gig, with the Kansas City Royals, McKeon had a left fielder by the name of Lou Piniella, who has since had enough time to play another 12 seasons, retire from playing, become a manager, win more than 1,800 games, and then retire again. McKeon is going to be managing against the children of his former players -- and if the Phillies call John Mayberry Jr. back up from the minors, it could happen a few weeks from now when Philadelphia comes to play July 4.

No word yet on any new endorsements from Metamucil or on whether he'll deliver the lineup card to the ump on a Hoveround, but the Twitterverse has burst forth with insightful commentary:

Jack McKeon named Marlins manager. Sadly, Jack went to sleep around 7, so he'll find out on the way to Denny's at 5 tomorrow morning.less than a minute ago via Echofon Favorite Retweet Reply



Florida Marlins to name Jack McKeon, age 80, as team's manager. In a related story, stadium lights will be turned on and off by clapping.less than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet Reply



Jack McKeon tried to convince the White Sox not to throw the World Series in 1919.less than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet Reply



Jack McKeon taking over the Marlins. That'll be tough considering he's buried in Georgia.less than a minute ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® Favorite Retweet Reply



McKeon did great things back in '03, but it is certainly not the 2003 Marlins he is coming back to.

Best case scenario: He salvages what was until recently a good season, and we get to make jokes about a contract extension for a guy who doesn't buy green bananas.

Worst case scenario: The Fish continue to have the worst attendance in the major leagues, we pray for some great recruiting and start next season unburdened by "playoff hopes." Either way, we have an easy punchline until we have to go back to worrying about -- you got it -- basketball season.

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Bad karma
Bad karma

Marlins lose 11 games in a row. No ties. No wins. 11 losses.

Typical. Bad karma goes to criminals.

Now less than 1,000 tickets sold per game, all to fans of visiting teams.

Thank you midget David Samson.

Midget Samson
Midget Samson

Stadium holds 40,000 seats. Marlins bite. Barely 1,000 paying customers.

Geo
Geo

Don't worry folks. The stadium will fix everything....

Little League beats..,
Little League beats..,

I would rather watch Kendall Little League teams play for 8th place than waste a cent contributing to crook Jeff Loria and midget Scammer David Samson shady business.

$4 BILLION stadium
$4 BILLION stadium

With interest payments the Marlins Stadium and Garage will cost the taxpayers over $4 BILLION.

Loria's $40 mil estate
Loria's $40 mil estate

Marlins owner Jeff Loria keeps every penny for himself and miniature sidekick Samson. Loria's crappy team just lost 17 of the last 18 games. Loria at his $40 MILLION oceanfront estate in NY.

Loria is a pig
Loria is a pig

Marlins owner Canadian Jeffrey Loria and the little pipsqueak David Samson stole over $4 BILLION from Miami-Dade taxpayers.

Marlins sell less than 1,000 tickets per game. No repeat customers. Losers.

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