Marlins Win! Marlins Win! Holy Sh*t, Marlins Win!

Categories: Sports
Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Florida_Marlins_logo.gif
​It was an unlikely win, but a win all the same. The Marlins stopped their 11-game losing streak last night with a 5-2 win over the Angels.

Javier Vazquez pitched a scoreless 5 1/3 innings, which is pretty awesome considering he entered last night's game with the worst ERA in the majors. Mike Stanton and Omar Infante had two RBIs a piece. And our new 80-year-old manager Jack "Lemon" McKeon got his first win. He's now 1/2, which, coincidentally, is the bookies' odds that he'll kick the bucket by the time you finish reading this blog.

If the Fish win tonight, it'll be the first time they've won two in a row since May freakin' 26. Here's an idea of just how long ago that was.

On May 26, when the Marlins swept the world-champion Giants:

  • Anthony Weiner's erect penis had yet to grace America's television and computer screens.
  • Michelle Bachmann was still just a glassy eyed, junior congresswoman with no foreign policy credentials and zero chance at winning the presidency. Now, on the other hand, she's... oh never mind.
  • The Miami Heat were heavily favored to win the NBA championship.
  • LeBron James was the clutchiest clutch guy to ever nail a clutch.
  • Dirk Nowitzki was a pussy. (Notice the use of the past tense. Nice ring, Dirk)
  • And Urban Beach Weekend was just a noisy, crowded, drunken event and not a nationally televised firestorm of racial anxiety and needless killing.

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for drew-barrymore-long-marlins.jpg
The Marlins are winning. We can all be fans again.
​And even though the praise surrounding McKeon is a bit premature -- it's one goddamn game, statistically, it was bound to happen -- here's hoping the Marlins keep winning and make us forget about all that other crap.

Especially Michelle Bachmann.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
Sort: Newest | Oldest
Free tickets
Free tickets

Most people at a Marlins game in Sunrise are paid to attend.

Midget Samson.

Scatter Bird
Scatter Bird

"The Marlins are winning. We can all be fans again." i'm glad you point this out.

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault