Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 3: MV3

Categories: Sports
Wade Mavericks.jpg
Nothing screams "I Am A Righteous Ass Kicking Machine" quite like overcoming one of the NBA Finals worst collapses, an officiating crew that absolutely refused to call any fouls for you but insisted on blowing the whistle if you so much as breathed on the giant German, and having one of your teammates getting one of his eyes gouged out.

But that's exactly what Dwyane Wade did, with a steel-toe-boot-to-the-nutsack 29-point performance leading the Heat to the 88-86 Game 3 win over the Mavericks, giving Miami a 2-1 series lead.

There are two more games in Dallas, but thanks to this win, the Heat are at least guaranteed to come back to play at the Triple-A in Miami. Two more wins, and they'll be NBA champs. And all of America will implode. LET'S DO THIS, HEAT!

Here are your points from the game:

- Wade clubbed the Mavericks defense unconscious in the face with 19 first half points that helped the Heat go up by 14. This proved fortunate because the Mavericks -- particularly Dirk Nowitzki -- stormed back time and time again, just like they did in Game 2. Only this time, Heat fans weren't left with the feeling they got a stick of dynamite shoved up their butts and had their assholes stapled shut.

- A word to the wise: You don't want to tie D-Wade's team 1-1 in a best-of-seven series. Wade is now 6-0 in his career in Game 3s when a series is tied 1-1.

- What happens when Udonis Haslem defends Dirk? AWESOME FUCKING THINGS HAPPEN, THAT'S WHAT.

Dirk Stopper.jpg
- It appeared as if it was going to be another shitty night for Chris Bosh. He started things out going 2-for-9 from the field, and then Jason Kidd went and shoved his entire hand into Bosh's eye socket. From there on out, Bosh had to play with basically one eye. But then he went and knocked down the eventual game-winning shot with 39 seconds left. ONE-EYED DINOSAUR ROAR!!!

- Hey, the Heat, can you guys stop blowing double-digit leads please?! 

- CBSSports' Gregg Doyel has made a living basically being a bald dickbrain who pushes the limits of reality and has no qualms about not using any kind of logic in any of his articles. And this year he's been particularly dickbrainy in his repeated attacks on LeBron James.

So naturally he now thinks LeBron has shrunk from the moment in these Finals, forgetting that it was LeBron that got the Heat to this point, and completely ignoring the fact that LeBron has been the catalyst for Miami's nards-obliterating defense, has stepped up as a master facilitator, and has basically been doing more than just scoring baskets to win ballgames. So, because the man has a penis for a brain, he went and asked LeBron why he's been "shrinking" during these Finals. LeBron then proceeded to verbally punch Doyel in the asshole for all America to see:



Ask LeBron a ludicrous question, expect to get kicked in the ovaries in front of millions.

- Jesus Dirk Nowitzki is playing out of his fucking mind. The Mavs shot 40 percent and turned the ball over 14 times last night, yet were a basket away from taking this puppy into overtime. The lesson here is basically to break off a tree branch and repeatedly smack that seven-foot German in the face with it. Someone send this idea to Erik Spoelstra!

- Jason Terry took exception with Dwyane Wade's Game 2 celebration after he made a three-pointer and had to be restrained from physically attacking Wade. Then Jason Terry celebrated everything in Game 3. Shots, free throws, fouls, time outs, an old guy being trampled in the first row, the hot dog vendor. He also yelled "This is our house!" at one point when the Mavs were down by six. Jason Terry also went 5-for-15 thanks in large part to Wade's defense. Jason Terry (and his good buddy Jason The Eye Mangler Kidd) has also had trouble keeping Wade from scoring. Nice tattoo, dipshit.

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- Dallas must hate Dwyane Wade. Dude just constantly rips their hearts out from their chests and shoots it out of a T-shirt cannon in the Finals. They must hate him like they hate books that teach about science and shit.

- Finally, Lil Wade has a question for all the haters out there this morning:

Lil Wade.jpg


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Game 4 is on Tuesday at Dallas. Tip off is 9 p.m. LOAD UP ON RED BULLS AND COKE! Weeeeee!!!

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31 comments
Ronb88
Ronb88

leticia olalia morales of 15501 pasadena ave #8 tustin ca 92780 submitted fake documents and paid 5000 dollars to obtain a US tourist visa. she also used fake employment records to obtain a work visa. she is now applying for citizenship.

Rays
Rays

Dirk stopper!! hahahaha One away clown!Whos crying now bitch! Where are the lasers and smoke machines? HAHAHAHAHAHAGo snort some drugs Miami....you are a joke. Maybe next year you can add some more Superstars! hahahaaha

Chico42445
Chico42445

well all i got to say is,if you can take the HEAT then get the hell out the kitchen,LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quintequa Weaver
Quintequa Weaver

-LEHH GOO !! Heat , comee on yuee can do this ...... just pull it out 2 moree qames !! , andd den yall r offically champs !

Jram305
Jram305

Wow. The haters reach knows no limits. Who's the puss filled douche bag that just wished you get hit by a car? You classless prick.

If you want anti heat shot go read the billions of other columns, if you come on here you know what to expect.

How's it feel to know Miami's 2 wins away from administering a chipolte enema to America, asshole?

RAW
RAW

love ma HEAT!1

NosyNellie
NosyNellie

BTW, Chris Pottymouth Joseph....ALL of me hopes you get hit by a car.

NosyNellie
NosyNellie

Miami sucks.  LeBron Braggart James sucks.  Go away and stay away.

Archer
Archer

Though part of me hopes they don't need to come back to Miami to play  :)

Rays
Rays

One more for Dallas hahahaha

Rays
Rays

Miami is still 2 away, but DALLAS IS ONLY ONE!!! Thats how it feels JRAM..JRAM IT UP YOUR @SS!

Rays
Rays

I love them too! Love them losing hahahahaahaahaha

Bigdaddybrownsugar03
Bigdaddybrownsugar03

U need 2 go and stand on da interstate and wait for a 18 wheeler 2 come by and knock ur Ass off u can tell u have no clue about basketball

SuccessIsTheBestRevengeeeee
SuccessIsTheBestRevengeeeee

I mean who the hell says they want someone to hit by a car because you're supporting your team? wtf. 

Dori Zinn
Dori Zinn

I hope you get the biggest case of explosive diarrhea ever. 

Perro09
Perro09

All I hear is wah wah wah wah wah.... The Heat is the better team, get over it... Talk about classless fans..

Bigdaddybrownsugar03
Bigdaddybrownsugar03

Dnt hate Miami got dis Dallas and Dirk need 2 go back 2 German y'all sucks

Derp
Derp

Then why are you on a Miami blog you fucking retard...?

Jared Leversee
Jared Leversee

Part of me hopes you get hit by a car... But just like Miami not winning this thing. It's very unlikely that you will. 

Bigdaddybrownsugar03
Bigdaddybrownsugar03

I'm wit u all da way u cnt stop da MIAMI 3 jump on da band wagon cuz we got dis CHAMPIONSHIP ring

Rays
Rays

Too let you know how stupid Miami is retard! one away baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahahahaaha

Rays
Rays

We just opened a big can of UNLIKELY!! hahahahaha Enjoy your drugs Miami!

Derp
Derp

History is not on the Mavericks' side. Since the NBA went to the 2-3-2 format in the Finals in 1985, 11 series were tied 1-1 entering Game 3. All 11 times, the team that seized the 2-1 lead went on to win the championship.

Rays
Rays

Hey druggie! Snort me some more you stupid @ss! Dallas is one away clown!!!!! 

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