Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 4: LeTurd

Categories: Sports
LeBron sad.jpg
​Well, shit. The Miami Heat must really love blowing fourth-quarter leads, because the team did it again last night in Game 4 of the NBA Finals, allowing the Dallas Mavericks to win the game 86-83 and tying the finals.

Meanwhile, LeBron James had the worst performance of his playoff career. Dwyane Wade's 32 points went for naught, and things are now knotted up at 2-2 after the Heat blows yet another chance to put the Mavericks away. Let's say fuck a bunch in frustration!

While D-Wade continues his amazing feats of awesome, his teammates pretty much disappeared when he needed them most. Wade not only mashed skulls on the offensive side, but also he was a force on defense and on the boards. But while he was going around kicking Maverick ass, Bosh and James decided to light a bag of cat shit on fire instead of scoring some points, blowing a golden opportunity to not only take a 3-1 series lead but also shove it in Jason Terry's stupid towel-waving, let's-celebrate-every-fucking-basket face. That dipshit celebrates EVERYTHING.

LeBron feet.jpg
- Last night marked the first time since January 5, 2007, that LeBron didn't score in double digits. That's roughly a stretch of 433 consecutive games. LET'S EVERYBODY POINT AT HIM AND CALL HIM A CHOKER!

- Are people really comparing Dirk Nowitzki to Michael Jordan because they both played in the finals with the flu? Oh, eat a bag of dicks, Planet Earth.

- A 21-9 run in the last ten minutes by the Mavs after the Heat had a nine-point lead. At some point, the Heat will have to have to stop it with this blowing-leads shit. Stop it already, assholes!

- LeBron was 3-for-11, went to the free-throw line only four times, and scored a total of eight points. LeBron took a giant shit on Wade's big night. No way around it.

- Chris Bosh on LeBron's dick-breath night: "He struggled. Point blank. Period."

- DeShawn Stevenson looks like he smells like Key West strippers and cigarettes.

- Joel Anthony grabbed eight rebounds in the first half, but one in the second. He can be a useless giant sometimes.

- According to Ellias, Nowitzki has outscored LeBron 44-9 in the fourth quarter of these finals. I think flaming piles of cock best describes one's feeling in reading that stat.

Y U NO LEBRON 2.jpg
- At this point, we can pretty much assume James Jones was mauled by a cougar, right? Because why the fuck else would you keep your most prolific three-point shooter on the bench the whole goddamn series? The Heat was 2-for-1,564 from the three-point line last night. And you had a man with no working thumbs taking the final shot at the end of the game. WHAT THE SHIT, SPOELSTRA?

- Say what you will about the Heat's amazing ability to shit all over itself, but these Dallas Mavericks are resilient fucks. They. Just. Won't. DIE.

MAVERICKS ZOMBIES .jpg
- If James scored, say, three more points, the Heat would be up 3-1 in the series. Instead, assballs. Miles and miles of ASSBALLS.

- Yet another stat to make you feel like you've been fucked by a hedge trimmer: The Heat defense held the Mavericks to 39 percent shooting and finally got a solid game from Chris Bosh and still lost.

- LeFart noise.

- There has to be another way for Miami to get around Dallas's zone defense than just the ol' "heave the ball at the basket from 30 feet away and pray to Baby Jesus that it goes in" play, yes?

- Six turnovers in the final 12 minutes with Bosh and James playing basketball the way old people fuck will lose ballgames.

y u no lebron.jpg
- Yes, the media (and the haters) have been mostly right about LeBron James and his shrinkage during this series. But the dude is a kraken dick. A man proficient in the art of ripping people's balls off and feeding them to his pet liger. He did it to Boston. He did it to the Bulls. And we're all waiting for him to do it to Dallas (any day now, LBJ). Sometime in the stretch of seven games, LeBron James is going to have to break out and fuck shit up good and proper, as only the best basketball player on the planet can. That's not me talking. THAT'S SCIENCE!

- With a huge Game 5 on Thursday at Dallas, the series finally shifts back to Miami on Sunday, although it feels like we've been playing in Dallas since 1974. Jesus the 2-3-2 Finals format is fucking asinine.

Wade Miami.jpg
Coming' back home to close shit out. Hopefully. STOP BEING A USELESS DICKHOLE AND GET YER SHIT TOGETHER, LEBRON!!
I await Mavericks fans and Heat Haters telling me they hope I get hit by a car and then gang raped by a pack of grizzly bears in the comments. Go to it, fuckos. It's your day!

Game 5 is on Thursday at Dallas. Tip-off is 9 p.m.

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52 comments
Quietfootsteps
Quietfootsteps

I hope you get raped by a pack of rabid grizzly bears

Fabian_Ramos
Fabian_Ramos

"BRRRAAAINS".I said that everytime they showed dirk.

Mavs fan
Mavs fan

this whole article is crap. How did you get this job again?oh and yes, HOW DARE THEY compare Dirk to Jordan for playing with a fever, don't they know that ONLY LEBRON is worthy enough to be compared to him?! what were they thinking?!...idiot. 

Agreed, that game is not the same game Jordan played w/ a fever, but Dirk himself stopped those comparisons unlike Lebron who encourages/starts them.

dallas sucks
dallas sucks

I love Lebron but you are right. And funny..

RLC772001
RLC772001

I had fun reading this.,,,love the potato head looking Chinese? guy with an accent...giggles:) 

Mavsalltheway
Mavsalltheway

Chill dude! It's just fuckin basketball!!

All's I can say is GOOOOOO MAVS!!!

I hope they take down those cocky sons of bitches!!!! Wohooooooooo!!!

Basketball Hoop
Basketball Hoop

This was a very vocal blog... I mean really man, tell me how you really feel

Rachel
Rachel

Why are u obsessed with dick and ass?!  Article kinda decent otherwise.

Dmq
Dmq

Y u such a hater, bro?

Smokyplanet
Smokyplanet

LeBron is a narcissistic pimp. I would be ashamed to have him represent my city, regardless of his talent. Then again, we're talking about Miami.

Jorge Torres
Jorge Torres

I don't hate LBJ, in fact I believe in him, but he needs to get his grip on man!  Stop getting nervous and do what you do best.  Play BBall!

Jorge Torres
Jorge Torres

erik spoeltra and his staff must find a way to get past mavs def in the fourth quarter.  they need to stop trying to shoot long bombs, and fucking penetrate the Gdamn ball.  if they can do it throught out the whole game, why not when it matters most??

Mike
Mike

Wade blew the chance to tie by missing a free throw at the end.  That's a choke.

Thom
Thom

I'm a Bulls fan, a big fan of Dirk, and a huge Heat hater, and the only thing that makes me happier than watching Dirk sink that final layup is reading this article. I mean, I was pretty upset and disappointed when Rose and Bulls pulled this kinda shit last series, but never enough to run to the meme generator thrice. This is nothing short of a tantrum. I guess this is what happens when you promise a championship, fans feel entitled and throw hissy-fits. I just hope everyone who was screaming at the top of their lungs during "The Decision" and the ridiculous big 3 introduction celebration is throwing just as big of a tantrum as you are.

LBJ23
LBJ23

i agree 100% fuck jason terry i cant stand him. he thinks hes so good. lebron needs 2 get it 2gether. knock on wood, but after evry horrible game he has, he comes back with a good 1, hopefully that good one will be game 5

Matt87
Matt87

Miami will loose on next two games... there will only be six games... lebrons out and wades in but it ant a one man team... there going down. Dont hate on terry cause there be a whole lot more of towel wavin in Miami

Cool Music
Cool Music

TheMiami Heat needs more star players. LeBron is not enough. I thoughtthis team was unbeatable but they are fake.

Mavericks fan and Heat hater
Mavericks fan and Heat hater

I hope you get hit by a car and then get rape by a pack f grizzly bears

yours trulyMavericks fan and Heat Hater

Android Phones
Android Phones

TheMiami Heat needs more star players. LeBron is not enough. I thoughtthis team was unbeatable but they are fake.

Android Phones
Android Phones

TheMiami Heat needs more star players. LeBron is not enough. I thoughtthis team was unbeatable but they are fake.

dfencezack
dfencezack

Could not have said it better myself. Very entertaining.

Michelle D.
Michelle D.

This whole article is fantastic. James Jones was sidelined by a sprained toe or something like that however; he has said that if needed, he is ready to play. My biggest gripe all season is that he's not being utilized enough.

bootlegger bert
bootlegger bert

Ahahahaha... fanfuckingtastic! You can still choke on a bag of dicks though because dallas is going to win it.... good day sir!

LeBronJames
LeBronJames

I saw Delonte West in the stands last night....visions of he and Ma just got the best of me

Cool Music
Cool Music

TheMiami Heat needs more star players. LeBron is not enough. I thoughtthis team was unbeatable but they are fake.

Dirk is God!
Dirk is God!

I hope you get hit by a car and then gang raped by a pack of grizzly bears!

Rahul S. Dallas, TX

Big_leagues_2000
Big_leagues_2000

Wow, I have to tip my rally cap to ya...very colorful writing! I usually skim everything I read, but this time I really read every word... Maybe I can relate to the frustration in your tone, I mean I am a Mav fan. I am very intrigued with Wade, his face tells it all, he was so incredibly focused. Well off to brunch now, can't wait to drink coffee & read the papers.

Argdave
Argdave

Take it easy with the big words man, even though I would be mad too if I supported a lame team like yours...

Guest
Guest

why're you so concerned with a bunch of eggplants?

Guest
Guest

You sound upset.

Bleacherbedlam
Bleacherbedlam

Actually, I like yer passion, guy. I don't like the Heat, but I definitely expected to see more from LeTurd last night. 

alex
alex

i agree 100%..get your shit together lebron...

Muffy Mines Ever
Muffy Mines Ever

Congratulations to DALLAS MAVERICK.....they won the CHAMPION trophe...

Chris Joseph
Chris Joseph

Because it's only the TITS when the Heat win. 

Obviously.

Allofyouareverydumb
Allofyouareverydumb

Yeah, right. Everyone uses that same argument when in reality you would have an LBJ jersey on right now were he on your team.

Surgeten
Surgeten

Smoky go suck on a fat cock, you sorry biatch.

Get a life
Get a life

of course everyone is a big fan of Dirk now, where the hell where you in the beginning??? when the trailblazers were supposed to beat them in round 1? NOWHERE! you morons all jump on the bandwagon so hard just to hate on Miami.

we will celebrate all we want before and after this season, why do you guys get so mad at us celebrating? we aren't burning down schools and causing anarchy, we fucking threw a party, give me a break. if we want to celebrate our acquisition why does it bother you all so much? i still don't get it, why do you guys care??

Matt87 is a faggot
Matt87 is a faggot

dats wat u guys said aftr game 2, but look wat happend? we won game 3. wat r u gonna b sayin if we win game 5?

Dirk is God!
Dirk is God!

Btw, I loved your article! If that's how you write, count me as your fan after the Mavs win the trophy. In the meantime, read comment above (again). 

Go Mavs!

Rahul S. Dallas, TX

Mephjeff
Mephjeff

Is the Klan randomly trolling NBA posts to incite hatred? Good strategy.

Guest
Guest

 you know, thats what everyone says...I grew up in cleveland and have always been a fan of cleveland sports (despite years of disappointment)

When lebron was here, he seemed promising, not only as a player but as an upstanding clevelander...as soon as lebron fever hit, he turned into an asshole...i never once wanted a lebron jersey, he is and always will be an asshole, and he wont win a championship until he gets his shit together

while im rooting for the mavs, wade is a hell of a player, and were it not for the fact he made a joke out of dirks illness after being outscored by em, and then 'injured' his hip on a flop, id be a supporter of him too

p.s.: i gotta say though, alotta you miami fans are idiots

Thom
Thom

When did I ever say I haven't been a fan of Dirk for years? I have been a Dirk fan since the '06 playoffs. I just don't comment on Miami blogs about games between Dallas and Portland... 

I don't know if you read the first line of my comment besides jumping to conclusions about Dirk, but I'm a Bulls fan first and foremost. The Bulls were one of the many teams LeBraun led on in the whole "Decision" fiasco. Me and many other people wasted an hour of our lives (and made someone a boatload of money) watching that crap. LeBraun's reasons for "taking his talents to South Beach" combined with your swift and well choreographed little celebration make the whole thing look nothing like a "Decision" and everything like a publicity stunt. This is a free country; you are more than welcome to celebrate all you want, but everyone else is just as entitled to their disgust.LeBraun has every right to leave Cleavland, every right to go to the team that he is most likely to win a championship, and I don't blame him at all for making whatever choice he wants to make. There's just a humble way to do it, and a flamboyant way to do it, and he (and the Heat) chose the latter. That's fine, but I am (and many many others are) are also going to exercise our right to choose in rooting against you.The whole point of my original post is that flagrant, over the top crap like the decision and your before-one-game-was-even-played celebration makes the team and the fans feel entitled to a championship, and I really think that in itself is good enough of an explanation as why everyone cares about wanting the Heat to loose: nobody likes people who think they're entitled to anything, particularly when it's as coveted as an NBA Championship. Honestly, the Heat haven't been playing like it: they've been playing fantastic defense, playing hard, very little selfish play... it's really exceeded my expectations. It'd be one thing if LeBraun lost this game because he was being selfish or trying to do it all himself... but he's human and he just had a shitty game. The team themselves have left very little to hate, but, as evident by you and this article, the fans are exuding a lot of entitlement to root against.

the guest
the guest

I've never been much of a party guy... is that valid enough? Haha

LBJ23
LBJ23

u guys said the same thing after game 2 n look wat happend? we won game 3. wat u gonna say if we win game 5?

Get a life
Get a life

i'm sorry you were never invited. haha

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