In Post-Bestiality Florida, Virtually Everything Else is Still Legal

Categories: WTF Florida

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In October, a new law will make Florida the 31st state to outlaw bestiality. Yep, we will be tragically separated from the furry and hoofed objects of our lust, for no reason other than a pesky species divide. It's like a modern day Romeo and Juliet tale, if Shakespeare had had the guts to use the phrase donkey cock.

But despite the slings and arrows of outrageous legislation, Floridians will soldier on. Because we can still do a lot of horrible and/or ill-advised shit that's been banned throughout most of the rest of the country.

Boink Bessie for three more months. Then take solace in the following still-legal activities:

Poke Grandma on Facebook while driving: Our great state is one of seven -- South Dakota, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Montana, and Idaho are the usual suspects filling up the rest of this careening, short bus -- that have absolutely no laws concerning use of a cell phone while driving, even for school bus drivers. Ohio (whatup, LeBron!) is the only other state with no such laws that doesn't even bother to compile accident statistics concerning phone-distracted drivers, cause, you know, like whatever, bitch.

Arm yourself like that dude from Falling Down:
You can buy a gold-plated Soviet machine gun with a night-vision scope and fuzzy Hello Kitty decals from a private dealer in the parking lot of a Wendy's, no license required. Then you can go hunting for those human-looking deer that drive cars with "Kerry/Edwards '04" bumper stickers.

Kill the bartender with your cigarette smoke: In Florida, if a bar or restaurant makes less than ten percent of its earnings from food, you can smoke. That will teach her to make a weak fuzzy navel.


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4 comments
lisa
lisa

ITS SAD HOW MIAMI IS GOING DOWN FOR SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANY REASONS. MOSTLY BECAUSE THE PEOPLE THAT RUN THIS PLACE AND THINK THEY ARE HOT, SMART, TALENTED ARE NOTHING MORE THAN RETARDED TRASH , EVIL, UGLY PAINTED UP PEOPLE! AND WHEN THEY INVITED TO WORLD TO MIAMI ...THE WORLD GOT TO SEE THAT!

f b
f b

Skrap: Although I agree with your sentiment that just makings laws wont stop certain activities, trying to educate the population is a waste of time. If somebody gets fined $500 bucks for using the cellphone and driving at the same time, maybe that will cut down the number of accidents every year. That, or maybe it will filled the police coffers with dough. You really cant touch the gun control legislation issue with a 10 foot pole, the moment you do, people call you a commie or faggy liberal or whatever. Unfortunately, this is alabama with nice beaches..Nice to know that in 2011 we outlawed bestiality...I love you florida.... you are like the chicago cubs..perennial loser

Skrappost Max
Skrappost Max

What is most important to learn is that laws don't change people... People need to change themselves or more problems will just occur. Rather than making new laws and more things illegal and sending people to jail for taxpayers money, time and effort can be spent on educating people so that they may change to fit in society comfortably and safely and not relapse because of malcontempt due to jail, etc.This is only my opinion, of course.

f b
f b

you got it... unfortunately.. you are spot on

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