|Coach Erik Spolestra: "Will lose championships for food."|
With the player lockout putting the 2011-2012 NBA season into question, it's only a matter of time before the league's poor, mistreated multi-millionaires are forced to pick up second jobs for rent money, car payments and general "make it rain all over the poor people" supplies.
But, without marketable skills that don't involve stuffing a round thing into a round thing, the players are rapidly being forced to take jobs a little lower than their usual pay scale. Here's a list of five Miami Heat players who have already taken up second jobs.
LEBRON JAMES: Fast-food worker
Burger King James!
|Crown, no rings.|
Juwan Howard: Wal-Mart greeter
He meets the age requirement, and certainly looks lovely in that vest.
|"I was the first basketball player to have a $100 million contract AND to have a 35-pin blue vest. Have a nice day."|
Chris Bosh: Urinal
It's not that he deserves it, but he is much better equipped than most to do the job.
Dwyane Wade: Shoe salesman
|"Oh, Juwan! You want the velcro ones."|
Zydrunas Ilgauskas: Sofa
He's big and cushy and just right for your living room!Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.