Science Creates Chickens With Alligator Snouts, Streets of Miami Now Doomed

​Harvard scientist Arkhat Abzhanov has done what dozens of drunk Miamians living near the Everglades have probably attempted in a cruder fashion at one point or another: successfully mixed the DNA of a chicken and an alligator. Unlike hypothetical local attempts, however, Abzhanov's method did not involve getting a gator to hump a chicken. Unfortunately. Also unfortunately, our streets are now doomed.

Because many modern reptiles and birds evolved from shared ancestors, Abzhanov theorized he could undo evolution by getting chicken embryos to grow reptilian snouts instead of beaks. According to the Daily Mail, Abzhanov injected a small gloop of a protein to alter the chicken's DNA while it was still developing in the egg.

"[The embryo] looks exactly like a snout looks in an alligator," the scientist told the Telegraph.

Ethical rules prohibited Abzhanov from letting the chicken-gators hatch, but he hopes to one day alter the fowl DNA to the point that the result resembles the Maniraptora, a small class of dinosaurs that eventually evolved into modern birds.

This means two things: (1) Jurassic Park is pretty much real now, and (2) the streets of Miami are doomed.

The Magic City already has a problem with chickens roaming the streets, and its home to the type of people who think owning a chicken-gator hybrid would be the best idea ever. What other type of animal could snap at intruders while laying eggs for omelets and flan and such?

Of course, this also obviously means one day our streets will be terrorized by monstrous toothed chickens. We weep for the future of Little Havana but eagerly await the eventual SyFy television movie this will undoubtedly spawn.

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