Dolphins Beat Falcons, Still Look Like Crap

Categories: Sports
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The good news is football season started again last night. The bad news is the Miami Dolphins still pretty much blow.

The Dolphins visited the Atlanta Falcons for the first game of the 2011 pre-season and, while the Fins ultimately delivered the 28-23 victory, it was mostly thanks to the second teamers and reserves that finished things out.

Still, it is pre-season, so we can't read too much into the game, overall.

Basically pre-season football is exactly like going to the zoo. It's fun when you get there, but the entire day is spent looking at the animals' asses.

The first quarter was as disastrous a quarter as you could expect from the Dolphins, with the offense playing like old people screw. Chad Henne threw two interceptions that led to 10 Atlanta points, the running game was non existent, and Anthony Fasano still treats the football like it was dipped in syphilis.

Meanwhile, the quarterback that could have been a Dolphin -- Matt Ryan -- led the Falcons to a 17-0 score against Miami's first teamers. Bill Parcells is a dipshit.

The lone highlight for Henne was a 44-yard touchdown pass to Brian Hartline to start the second quarter against Falcons defenders that'll be selling iPhones at local Atlanta strip malls in a matter of weeks. By the end of the first quarter, the Falcons' first stringers had out-gained the Dolphins' first stringers 163 yards to 17.

Phllip Livas ran back a 75-yard punt return TD for the Dolphins in the third quarter. So there's that.

So to recap: Pre-season, regular season, it doesn't really matter. The Dolphins are a giant bag of ass. 

Hooray, football!

Next game is Friday, August 19 at Carolina.

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5 comments
Hector E.
Hector E.

YEA! lets get pissed off and curse out a fan that has a forum! How can you write that the dolphins are a bag of asses when they have gotten us Chad Henne, Pat White, Ted Ginn, and...fuck it the list would go on forever .How many people that read this article have actually expirence a great moment in Dolphins History? Last conference championship was in 1984. I WAS 2! Its hard to cheer for the dolphins when you have the miami heat making every effort to be great and the marlins(loria/samson) making every effort to piss on the fans but atleast win two championships .Florida Panthers...umm ill leave that alone. So inconclustion  F-U Chris Joseph !

you
you

Chris Joseph, you sir, are the giant bag of ass. This post was a waste of my time. You should quit writing, and go to school for something because you are obviously not good at what you are currently doing. You should probably think of moving to another city where doosh bags are more accepted. If you don't like the team, don't watch. You obviously don't know shit about football so you should try writing about something else so that maybe you can avoid sounding like an asshole and possibly say something educated. Stop wasting your time and mine writing this garbage and do something with your life. The lowest paid player on the Dolphins banked last year no matter what you say, what did you do for yourself? Stupid hater eat a dick. 

Kirkzed661
Kirkzed661

Your a dipshit who ever wrote this article lets see u learn an offense playbook in 3 weeks dumbass..... And henne did throw 2 pics which if.you blame him for the first one like Im sure you would your a dumbass he hit fasano wit a decent pass should.have been caught ill take 4-8 77 yards and a td wit one pick his fault in a meaningless game wit a new offense anytime dumbass.you will be sucking hennes cock if he goes out this year and throws 25 tds so shut your.mouth your not a gm

Neil's ghost
Neil's ghost

Bill Fartsmells is the most overrated wind bag since Jimmy's Johnson. The Dolphins are a bunch of perennial losers. We need the brain stem.

miami heat
miami heat

Sorry this is no longer a football city ,this is now a basketball city...go heat

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