Jon Huntsman Ditches Crazy Mistress Florida, Returns to Classy Ol' New Hampshire

Categories: Politicks
Jon_Huntsman.jpg
Ditching that crazy b*tch Florida.
Sunshine or granite? Sex on the beach or maple syrup on hotcakes? "Welcome to Miami" or "Live Free or Die"?

It's been fun Florida, but you're just too damn crazy for Jon Huntsman.

After a three-month flirtation, the Republican presidential hopeful is ditching the nation's dong and focusing on a state one fourteenth the size.

After talking a smooth game and moving in last June, Huntsman announced he was bolting Florida yesterday to make sweet, sweet electoral love to its prissy northern neighbor New Hampshire.

But to be honest, Florida was never really into "the other Mormon" on the campaign trail. Maybe it was his all-too-rational belief in global warming, or his intimate knowledge of a foreign language other than Spanish, but Huntsman bombed in last week's Florida Straw Poll.

As Floridians went for the pithy, volatile, climate-science-denying pizza magnate Herman Cain, the levelheaded Huntsman finished second to last behind something called Santorum.

The Washington Post reports that Huntsman -- the former governor of Utah -- has abandoned his previous three-state strategy because of low fundraising and abysmal polling.

So long, Jon. See you in four years. We'll keep the pillow warm.

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