Mauret Curbelo, Hialeah Butcher, Proves That Even Petty Crime Is F***ing Terrifying in Miami

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Now you can start your own illegal Hialeah slaughterhouse!

​What is it about Miami that makes the mundane seem so... menacing?

Take the case of Mauret Curbelo, the manager of Danilo Ranch, where Hialeah peters out into the Everglades. Last year, the United States Department of Agriculture suspected Curbelo of running an illegal slaughterhouse from his ranch. USDA investigators went undercover to order some prime illicit pork from Curbelo.

What they got was a scene out of Casino. Yeesh.

The undercover feds arrived at Danilo Ranch June 26, 2010. The unsuspecting Curbelo agreed to sell them a freshly killed pig:

The pig at issue, in the presence of the investigators, was dragged from a pen holding multiple animals by its rear legs and then slaughtered by use of a large knife which was stuck into the chest of the animal, with no prior effort or steps being taken to render the animal insensible to pain.

At this point, the normally dry legal document gets a bit icky as the investigators' distaste becomes more apparent.

"The animal was thereafter left to expire by exsanguination, its squeals and thrashing readily audible to the witnesses and remaining live stock," it continued.

One of Curbelo's employees then scribbled a crude receipt on a Danilo Ranch business card before wrapping the pig carcass in plastic sheeting and placing it in the back of the USDA agents' vehicle.

If that wasn't a page from Nicky Santoro's book...

During the sentencing hearing, the government introduced into evidence photographs of the Danilo Ranch facility, depicting the baseball bat used to bludgeon the swine to death, the unsanitary and hazardous conditions of the area used to slaughter animals, and other related health risks such as a decomposing rat in the vicinity of the site.

Ah, Miami. Where even our (black-market) butchers act like deranged and dirty maniacs.

Curbelo pleaded guilty to inhumane slaughter of animals and making false statements to investigators. He was sentenced yesterday to two years' probation and 100 hours of -- you guessed it -- community service.

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