Miami Hurricanes Fall to Renaissance Fair Jesters

Categories: Sports
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Never mind the embarrassment caused by the Nevin Shapiro scandal. Forget the suspensions. Put aside the looming thoughts of further NCAA sanctions. Let us be glad as Miami Hurricane fans that our team will never, ever face the humility of taking to the field dressed in something either looking like Joker henchman from a Broadway adaptation of Batman or a group of sad Renaissance Fair jesters.

Oh sure, we could take the high road and talk about actual football. About how despite a deflated defense, the 'Canes managed to hold the University of Maryland Terrapins to just one offensive touchdown. About how with a few tweaks and a bit more practice, Stephen Morris could be the best UM QB since Ken Dorsey.

We could also talk about the fact that penalties and turnovers yet again sealed the fate for Hurricanes. About how the team can be its own worst enemy.

Instead, we just want to talk about how the Terrapins came to the field dressed like this:

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​Oh wait, excuse us. Actually like this:

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The jester-forms are the result of a deal with Under Armour, a company founded by a former Maryland football player. As Deadspin put it, the new uniforms are an attempt to "convert a third-tier program in a front-line BCS conference into the official semipro marketing arm of a sports-apparel company."

Of course, we need to remind you that college football is an amateur sport. The weird kind of amateur sport where a booster can use the players as fashion models for his giant sports equipment company. The kind of amateur sport where ESPN can reschedule a game for its broadcast needs. (Funny too, how Under Armour was a big advertiser on last night's game. Surely that had nothing to do with ESPN moving this game to the Labor Day slot, surely.) The kind of amateur sport where threats of a death penalty loom because some douchebag took a few players to a titty bar. Yeah, that kind of amateur sport.

Though, perhaps Miami can take a page out of Maryland's design playbook and incorporate the state flag of Florida into their uniforms. The NCAA has already painted metaphorical red Xs on their jersey anyway.

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2 comments
FIREALGOLDEN
FIREALGOLDEN

THE HURRICANES DEFENSE=GARBAGE.. This is what they fired Shannon for. Anybody want to bet Golden will ask to get out of his contract before the year is out. If they are smart they will give the job to the new off. cordinator. Bring Shannon back to run the defense(ok that was wishful thinking). Seriously al golden had a losing record at temple 27-34. When have you ever known of a coach to get fired with a winning record for one with a losing record?

Julian Munoz
Julian Munoz

You're completely ignoring the transformation Al Golden did at Temple. He was only there 4 years and transformed a program that was still in a 20 game loosing streak as Golden came in, if he had stayed he was poised for a winning record with Temple, it was a different program. But yeah, the defense was terrible last night, but we had 5 defensive players suspended last night. I wouldn't be so worried right now. We saw a lot of good coaching, Morrison looks good. We just have to work on those penalties and turnovers.

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