Dolphins Top Five Fuckups: From Your Mom's a Ho to Jimmy Buffett

Categories: Sports
finscheerleader6.jpg
At least the Miami Dolphins front office hasn't messed with the cheerleaders.
​The Miami Dolphins screwed up when they decided to honor the 2008-2009 national champion Florida Gators football team during the October 23 home game against the Denver Broncos. Gator rivals, the UM Hurricanes, are both our home team and in trouble with the NCAA. 

This stupidity shouldn't surprise Dolfans.The franchise hasn't had its act together since 1983, the year the team drafted Hall of Fame quarterback Dan Marino.

So in honor of the Dolphins' front-office ineptitude, we give you the top five worst management moves by Miami's oldest professional sports team:

5. Jeff Ireland asks Dez Bryant if his mom was a ho.

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Before the Dallas Cowboys made Bryant their number one pick in the 2010 draft, the former Oklahoma State wide receiver was interviewed by the Dolphins general manager. Ireland inquired if his mother had been a prostitute, which an insulted Bryant flatly denied. After the story went public, Ireland issued a mea culpa: "I used poor judgment in one of the questions I asked him. I certainly meant no disrespect and apologized to him." What Ireland really wanted to know if Dez's mom provided the full girlfriend experience.

4. ​Partnering with Jimmy Buffett.

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In addition to renaming the team's stadium after Buffett's bitter-ass Landshark Lager, the front office also agreed to stop playing the Dolphins fight song in favor of a ditty composed by the crooner. Now every time we go to a home game, we have to put up with that insufferable chorus line: "We got fins to the left, fins to the right, we're at the only game in town. Oh, oh, oh, oh!" We'd like to take a fin and jam it into Buffett's guitar.
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6 comments
Neil's ghost
Neil's ghost

"Honoring" the gaytors only patronizes the red sea pedestrians who make the trek up to Gainesville to get a mediocre education.

star00
star00

Waaw Waw i cant believe this!! me and my sister just got two i-pads for $42.77 each and a $50 amazon card for $9. the stores want to keep this a secret and they dont tell you. go here, http://bidsbug.com . @

Evildead Bob
Evildead Bob

Next time, instead of making the mistake of reading one of your articles, I'll just take a razorblade to my tongue, and drink a gallon of lemon juice. This was in poor taste, poorly written and (most of all) poorly conceived. You are a disgrace to news professionals everywhere and an embaressment to yourself and your paper. 

Maybe you'd be good as a construction worker or McDonalds customer sevice specialist....either way, after this big stinky mushroom cloud of an article, you should try your hand at something else.

God Bless! 

B_mayo561
B_mayo561

Hey Francisco, do the letters FU mean anything to you?  Douchebag..

Notwerk
Notwerk

Top New Times Fuck Up: Misspelling H. Wayne HUIZENGA's name every...single...time in this "story." It's a tough name, we know, but if anyone was going to spell it right, you'd think it would be a "professional" writer. Have a copy editor? Strongly consider firing that person. It's bad enough you spelled it Huzienga twice, but you topped off this shit sandwich of a story by trying Huzeinga. If you're going to fuck up, at least keep it consistent.

Edit: It took a while, but it seems they've now fixed it. Congratulations, guys, on learning to use Google. I'm really, really impressed with your professionalism. I mean it. Really.

Jrod118
Jrod118

Miami has more Florida Alums than UM Alums. Neil you are as much a douche as Fransisco. mediocre! As opposed to what Florida school? I hate ignorant people

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