Dolphins Need John Gruden to Be Their Coach

Categories: Luke's Gospel
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why the Miami Dolphins should hire John Gruden as head coach. 
Alex Izaguirre

 The only way Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross can salvage this season is if he convinces John Gruden to leave the Monday Night Football television booth. The former Tampa Bay Buccaneers head man is the only candidate out there who can come in and quickly fix the shit storm Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland and Head Coach Tony Sparano have created. Bill Parcells' understudies have absolutely no clue what they are doing.
Gruden, on the other hand, is a master at player development and energizing the fan base. He turned the Oakland Raiders from a laughingstock to a play-off contender by the time he left in 2002. When he brought a Super Bowl championship to Tampa Bay during his first year as the Buccaneers head coach, Gruden did it by revamping the team's stangant offense to compliment the NFL's number one defense.

During that title run, Gruden came up with motivational tools such as putting a large chunk of granite in the locker room to drive home his mantra, "Pound the Rock." He got a capacity crowd at Raymond James Stadium to chant the phrase shortly after the Bucs won the Lombardi trophy.

When the University of Miami fired Randy Shannon last year, Gruden was their top candidate. But when he met with then-athletic director Kirby Hocutt, Gruden opted to stay on as an analyst for ESPN's Monday Night Football telecast. He reportedly turned it down because he is waiting for the right NFL gig to open for him. I say it's the Dolphins.

During Miami's home loss to the Patriots on September 12, Gruden hinted he wants to come here during an on-air conversation with fellow announcer Ron Jaworski. "I want to bring back the glory days of the Miami Dolphins," he said.

If Ross fires Sparano, it makes no sense to promote Dolphins Defensive Coordinator Mike Nolan or Brian Daboll, who is in charge of the offense. Those guys suck too. Some people argue Nolan has head coaching experience, but his overall record was 18-37 when he led the San Francisco 49ers.

Daboll is not the answer either. Last year, when he was offensive coordinator in Cleveland, the Browns ranked 25th in the league in scoring touchdowns. With the Dolphins, Daboll's offense is ranked 22nd and has only scored 5 touchdowns in 18 trips to the red zone. 

It's Gruden or bust for Dolphins team owner Stephen Ross.

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As long as Ireland is there Miami will be nothing.As long as Ross is the owner Miami will never get real quality players...they cost too much.So, no matter who they bring in they will be at best a mid level team. Unless of course Ross has some sort of revelation and opens the purse strings.


Anyone, please, just anyone. Let a warm plate of beef liver call the plays, IT CANNOT GET ANY WORSE.


Chucky?  I don't think so.  He didn't revamp squat in Tampa.  He added a tight end and some other player on a team that Dungy built.  He then ran them into the ground, and they're still struggling.  From who's currently available, Bill Cowher should be the favorite.


Bill Belichick is a Parcells understudy.

Jamie ewing
Jamie ewing

This is the fist I have ever read your article , MY GOD WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN !! you should run for president , this is exactly how I see it and have been preaching here in SoCal ! lets spread the word and maybe Ross will catch on , then again we know he wont and here will will be next year.


gruden won superbowl already. coaches dont win again with another team. it doesnt happen. no cowher. no gruden. go with attitude and motivation. touchdown plays instead of field goals. attitude means rob ryan plus defense. this is what we need.

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