Drunk Florida Man Tries to Use Taco as ID After His Car Catches Fire at Taco Bell

Categories: WTF Florida
tacofalkner.jpg
Tacos are not recognized as legal forms of identification in the state of Florida [insert bad joke about immigration laws here]. Matthew Falkner found out the hard way after he passed out drunk in the drive-thru of a Jensen Beach Taco Bell and his car caught fire [insert bad joke about Taco Bell's fire sauce or volcano taco here].

The incident occurred in the early morning of October 1 in Jensen Beach, according to the blog Off the Beat. Falkner, 30, had apparently decided to make a run for a fourth meal after downing some beers, and he somehow made it all the way to the fast-food joint in his Chevy pickup, placed his order, and received his taco before falling asleep.

The Taco Bell manager had to call police because Falkner was out cold at the pick-up window and holding up customers behind him. Clearly this was not a victimless crime, and our hearts go out to the hungry folks who had to wait so long for their late-night munchies.

A deputy awoke Falkner and then asked for his ID. Falkner said no before reaching into his bag and presenting the officer with a taco. Another deputy clarified they were asking for an ID, not a taco. Falkner chuckled and began eating the taco.

Then deputies noticed Falkner had fallen asleep with his foot on the accelerator while his truck was in park. The engine had caught fire, and fire extinguishers were used to put it out.

Falkner's blood alcohol content was between .227 and .225, according to a breath test. That's three times the legal limit. He was hauled off to jail on DUI charges. No word on the fate of the taco.

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27 comments
DanMitchell
DanMitchell

I think you need many fewer [insert bad joke...] inserts. None would be ideal.

Rita Gervais
Rita Gervais

Up for an honorable mention of the Darwin Awards

Soxon
Soxon

Not real funny if you drive a mile or two up the road and check out the roadside memorials to the dead killed by drunken jerks like this guy. Driving drunk is like firing a gun into a crowd. Hang the jerk.

Adriafirestone
Adriafirestone

No word on the fate of the taco???!!!! How could you ignore me that like that? Tacos have feelings too. My heart and my shell are broken and I lay crumpled underfoot on the burnt out Chevy floorboard for hours, days and now the ants are carrying me off - Oh, doesn't anyone care about ME?!!!!

Demongo
Demongo

Maatttt Daaaamonnnn...

Derek Skinner
Derek Skinner

.227 BAC on beer?  Not gonna lie, I'm fairly impressed at his stomach capacity.  I get full before I get a buzz on just beer.

Garrett York
Garrett York

Much to his horror the next morning, he woke up remembering how he'd slathered salsa all over his driver's license and chowed down. Dyslexia can be a nightmare when you're drunk.

Chris Ar
Chris Ar

If you're blue and you don't know where to go to why don't you go where fashion sits ....

Leonard Morales
Leonard Morales

"Falkner chuckled and began eating the taco."

Well Played..

Guest
Guest

Ah, Floridians...

overtown
overtown

Then deputies noticed Falkner had fallen asleep with his foot on the accelerator while his truck was in park. The engine had caught fire, and fire extinguishers were used to put it out.

LOL!

mYtY
mYtY

then took his taco

EricBacker
EricBacker

@mitchell39  Agreed.  The author's final stupid remark "No word on the fate of the taco."  After the article states the suspect started eating it.    Untrue and unfunny.

Beyababa
Beyababa

At least he ate good before being hauled off.You know that jail food,if you don't your will someday GUARANTEED.

mal928
mal928

@Soxon You're right, laughing about this will un-kill all of those people.

Public Defender
Public Defender

0.227% BAC on beer, assuming 170 pound male in late 20's = 10-12 beers within one hour.

~0.016 to 0.020 / beer depending on many factors (metabolism, weight, etc).~.015% drop off in BAC / hour.

Basic retrograde extrapolation.

Likely a case of rising blood alcohol ... drank within 0-30 minutes of leaving home, impact of alcohol can take 0:10 to 1:15 to reach peak (i.e., full absorption). Then pass out as reaching peak BAC.

Crissa
Crissa

Figures it's a Chevy.

ryanw315
ryanw315

You clearly have no sense of humor at all. You think the police would let him finish the entire taco before arresting him? Hell no, son! So the fate of the taco is still unknown. It's a silly joke, but it made me laugh. The reason you think it was "untrue and unfunny": well 1) you either can't read or are stupid, i think the latter and 2) because its hard for you to find anything funny in life after years and years of verbal abuse about your tiny endowment. So stfu Eric Backer and think before you use non-existent words like "unfunny"

Crissa
Crissa

Hence, that's one heck of a stomach capacity.

Public Defender
Public Defender

Also, standard Intoxilyzer devices have a margin of error of .01% (assuming the calibration officer correctly and recently tested it). Given this device provides thousandths of a percentage, it is likely a Preliminary Alcohol Screening device (e.g., PAS test) it is not recorded nor reliable as a EPAS (evidentiary).

Lawrence Taylor has a fairly good primer (targeted at getting clients, but also educational material) here: http://www.duicentral.com/evid...

3ric3acker
3ric3acker

Herp le derp.  The fate of the taco is obvious.  The joke isn't funny as is the case with many others found in the article.  Title of the article is probably the best punchline and everything beyond that left the reader feeling less than humored struggling to simply grasp a better mental picture of the circumstances reading through these lame jokes.   You breaking it down to your retard level actually made the joke a bit better.  Flame on assclown. 
 @ryanw315 

un·fun·ny

ˌənˈfənē/adjective
  1. 1.(typically of something intended to be funny) not amusing."a hideously unfunny spoof film"



3ric3acker
3ric3acker

Herp le derp.  The fate of the taco is obvious.  The joke isn't funny as is the case with many others found in the article.  Title of the article is probably the best punchline and everything beyond that left the reader feeling less than humored struggling to simply grasp a better mental picture of the circumstances reading through these lame jokes.   You breaking it down to your retard level actually made the joke a bit better.  Flame on assclown. 
 @ryanw315 

un·fun·ny

ˌənˈfənē/adjective
  1. 1.(typically of something intended to be funny) not amusing."a hideously unfunny spoof film"


@ryanw315

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