IPhone 4S's "Personal Assistant" Siri Tells Us Where to Get Hookers, Weed, and Drunk

Categories: Silicon Beach

hooker.JPG
When we asked it for cheap hookers...
Steve Job's first posthumous release -- the iPhone 4S -- is getting a lot of buzz for its new "personal assistant", Siri, who's supposed to be really good at setting up meetings and booking hotel rooms for high-powered types.

Or finding the nearest hookers for alt-weekly staffers, apparently. Yesterday, we asked Siri: "Where can we find a hooker and how much will it cost?"

Siri perkily responded that she had found 16 escorts in the area. She lamented that she couldn't "look specifically for price range." Maybe that more pimpin'-friendly feature will be on the iPhone 5.

We also asked Siri where we could buy some marijuana. Not missing a beat, she responded: "Sorry, I couldn't find any head shops." When we asked where we could "get drunk", she brought up a list of bars in Miami.

But apparently our personal assistant draws the line at the hard stuff. When we asked her where to find some cocaine-- this isn't a tough one Siri, it's Miami -- she instead recommended a cocaine abuse clinic.

When we asked Siri where we could get some anal sex, she told us she couldn't find any nearby adult retail stores. Same for dildos.

At one point, there was three of us shouting lewd commands at the phone in our editor-in-chief's office while our IT guy, who was also there, looked very ashamed of all of us.

(New Times account executive George Justo deserves a shout-out for bringing this important matter to our attention, and also owning the iPhone 4S in question. Although there is no good reason why a man would ask his cell phone where to find cheap hookers.)

It all begs two questions. Who were the poor Cupertino saps -- or team of saps all making three times our salaries -- who were assigned with programming in synonyms for every naughty thing iPhone users might ask Siri to help them track down?

And what funny shit have we not yet asked her for?

We've reached out to Apple for comment. Something tells us we'd have a better chance getting a response from Siri.

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Marijuana Abuse
Marijuana Abuse

 The Drug Abuse Resistance Education sport utility vehicle was at the center of a controversy earlier this year after it was pulled over and New Orleans police discovered marijuana and drug paraphernalia inside on March 8, reports WDSU. ... A memo obtained by the WDSU I-Team shows Sheriff Daniel Edwards sustained the internal affairs 

LibsJihadisGaysRtheDemTrifecta
LibsJihadisGaysRtheDemTrifecta

I bet if you asked "where can I find drug-addict sodomizing morons posing as journalists" Siri would say "LOOK IN THE MIRROR"

Fer
Fer

whats the best phone in the world?you are holding it in your hands

Allan W McCombs
Allan W McCombs

great news since hookers have been taken off of craigslist ;).

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Best iPhone 4 deals

Although the interior is an upgrade of the iPhone 4S is a major bright spot, there is a function of drawing attention, and her name is Siri. Thanks for sharing.

Brad
Brad

IPhone 4S's "Personal Assistant" Siri Tells Us Where to Get Hookers, Weed, and Drunk...@readers:disqus my roomate's sister-in-law makes $78 an hour on the laptop. She has been out of a job for 8 months but last month her paycheck was $7468 just working on the laptop for a few hours. Read about it on this web site CashHuge. com

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Funny Siri
Funny Siri

Hey guys,

First off I'm a huge fan. Second, the iPhone 4S's Siri application isgetting pretty viral on the internet with all the funny/witty thingsit's saying. I found a site that's compiled a ton of them here:funnysiri.orgIt's actually pretty funny too.

Take care.

Funny Jokey
Funny Jokey

for me siri is acting like a joke assistant than personal assistant.. I am enjoy siri then angry birds now ;)

luke
luke

i kno from inside sources a lot of apple employees patronize prostitutes. the dating scene in cupertino is very lukewarm coupled with the social skills of engineers and well...it shouldn't suprise anyone

Guestemail
Guestemail

Try askin her:

Where can I bury a body?Will you marry me?Siri I love youSiri, open the pod bay doorsWhat's the best cell phone?Who's your daddy?How much wood could wood chuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?Tell me a joke

HILARIOUS answers, try asking 2-3 times she'll often time give you a different answer.

Dori Zinn
Dori Zinn

What I found intriguing is that she was sad she couldn't find you mariguana, but referred you to a cocaine abuse clinic when inquiring about that. It's like she WANTS mariguana to be legal.

fish fan
fish fan

He mentioned she draws the line at the hard stuff. Whether it's ever legal or not, even a robot accepts weed and knows it's harmless

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