Miami Dolphins: The Suckiest Bunch of Sucks That Ever Sucked A Suck
So the bad news is, the Dolphins remain winless and are in last place in the AFC East. The good news is, they're in first place in the Suck For Luck sweepstakes, and in the hearts of box-of-dicks enthusiasts everywhere!
- Some people are all in on the Suck For Luck thing. Like this asshole. But there's a good number of Dolphins fans out there who refuse to get on the Suck For Luck bandwagon. These people need to be slapped in the face with Cameron Wake's penis. I get loyalty. But when your team is 0-5, plays like wet shit, has a coach who refuses to use his time outs, and have had a carousel of quarterbacks that play football like a turtle fucking a shoe, it's time to break precedent and look for change. What's winning 3 or 4 games going to bring us? But yes, by all means, let's blindly continue to root for this team to win what now amounts to meaningless games so we can get that coveted 11th pick of the draft and watch the Indianapolis Colts take Luck and dominate the NFL for another 16 years. It all makes perfect sense!
- There's an entire generation out there that have never seen the Dolphins not suck. Blows the mind, it does.
- Another thing to look at with this game: The Jets look fucking awful. Their quarterback sucks. Their offensive line sucks. Even their defense looks putrid. Sure Darelle Revis had a big game, but that's only because Matt Moore apparently has the Jets D on his fantasy team. The Jets are 3-3 and while the score suggests blowout, the actual strained effort to win this game for New York was not unlike a Rex Ryan bowel movement. If we can somehow manage not to fuck things up and end up with Andrew Luck, or, hell, even Landry Jones, they'll still be stuck with Nacho as their quarterback.
That's right, Jets fans. Serenity now, insanity later.
- Feeling blue? Life's got you down? Your quarterback just threw an endzone interception returned for a 101-yard touchdown? Don't fret. POUNCEY FLIP!!
- Reggie Bush left the game with an injured neck. HOW'S LaMONTELLE PUSSYHAMMER GONNA PLEASURE THE LADIES NOW, DAMMIT??
- Speaking of the Broncos, they currently have one win. And they just traded away their best receiver and have all but given up on their quarterback. John Elway runs the football operations in Denver. John Elway went to Stanford and regularly attends games. You don't think that horse-faced dipshit doesn't want Andrew Luck? He's practically doing everything in his power to land the guy. We need a counterstrike. Someone take a bat to Dan Carpenter's knee!!
Dolphins host the
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