Miami Marlins Real New Uniforms Leaked To Riptide

Categories: Sports
Does Jeffrey Loria lie awake at night, in his Britto-decorated pajamas, trying to think of new ways to be disgusting?

Tomorrow night--11/11/11!-- the owner of the mediocre baseball collective soon-to-be-formerly known as the Florida Marlins will throw his crowning gala at the new stadium. To commemorate the team's rebranding as the Miami Marlins, there will be a VIP concert by former rapper Pitbull. Then players will walk the catwalk in their newly-unveiled Miami Marlins uniforms.

If a purported leak is correct, this is what those jerseys will look like. But we have a few better ideas-- as modeled here by new manager Ozzie Guillen. (And imagined by art director Pam Shavalier.)

After the catwalk show -- and here's the part where we retched-- "the doors will open to the public so they may begin purchasing the new team merchandise at 11:00 PM."

Yes, Loria is banking that a mob of cash-waving plebians will flock to Little Havana near midnight on Friday to be price-gouged for jerseys representing a skinflint baseball team that refuses to pay Dan Uggla.

So we're going to beat the team to the punch. Here's a few of the new models Guillen will be sporting down the runway on Friday:

tony montana stripes.jpg
"Say hello to my little payroll!"

barrel flat.jpg
Seriously. Dan Fucking Uggla. We're not asking for A-Rod here.

Location Info


Marlins Park

1380 NW 6th St., Miami, FL

Category: General

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
glass slipper
glass slipper

As I have stated before, the new Marlins logo and uniforms look like something some pint sized gay assed hebe thought up and just like this whole fiasco it will turn out to be an epic failure, and very justly so.


your a piece of shit, the Marlins wont even notice you.

James G. Camp
James G. Camp

As I understand the Uggla saga, he refused the offer, went to Atlanta and promptly underachieved in BA and fielding %. At one point, he was hitting .111 and the Braves had several pitchers that hit that well.

The Marlins are trying to get Reyes and perhaps even Pujols for 2012. If they can pull that off, we know it'll be based on contract money and not the coolness factor of the uniforms. From what I've seen the logo and uniforms are supposedly going to supplant the Astros 1980's uniforms for ugly. I actually liked the Astros uniforms of that era.



You noticed.

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault