Forget Jorge Perez, Here Are Five Better Sponsors for the Miami Art Museum

Categories: Listicles
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​When the Miami Art Museum announced it was renaming itself for real estate mogul Jorge Perez, people lost their minds. It wasn't just that the new acronym, PAMM, sounds more like a cooking spray than an art collection. No, people were really pissed off because Perez only forked over an extra $5 million up front to get his name etched in perpetuity. (He had already promised $5 million plus $15 million worth of his art collection; another $10 million will be donated down the road.)

Hey, MAM, if you're going to whore yourself out, you could have at least done it to the highest bidder. To help you, we tracked down five much more appropriate Miami sponsors who could really bring home the Britto bacon:

Café Bustelo Art Museum Presented by Pitbull
What could be more Miami than our very own pint-size rapper hawking hot cortaditos inside the foyer of the shiny Herzog & de Meuron-designed museum? As Emmanuel Kant once mused, nothing helps you experience the sublime like the lyrics to "Dale Más Gasolina."

Miami Art Muzeum
Ever notice that nothing in Miami is spelled correctly? Whether it's an attempt to be cool or just plain ol' Spanglish, we don't see any reason to break the habit now. Bienvenido to the hizouse of hizart, amigos.

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Would you like a cortadito with your Cy Twombly?
The (Jorge) Perez Hilton Art Museum
It's the best of both worlds: The museum gets to keep Jorge Perez's money, but inside there will just be a photo of the Mona Lisa with some MS Paint foam dribbling out of her mouth, courtesy our native pink-haired tabloid mogul. Art is for the people. Give them what they want.

Genting's No Limit Museum of Slots and Texas Hold 'Em
Jorge Perez made $61 million last year flipping the Omni Center land to the Genting Group, the Malaysian firm now planning to build the world's largest casino on the site. Flush with gambling cash, Perez no doubt can afford to be magnanimous to MAM. Let's just skip the middleman and name the museum after its true benefactors: addiction, broken dreams, and free seafood buffets.

The Rick Scott Museum of Drug-Free Art
In return for sponsoring the museum, Governor Scott will get to personally drug-test each and every artist before his or her art can be included. As a result, we end up with some sketches of ponies by Mayor Carlos Gimenez and a tear-stained watercolor by Alex Sink.

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Miami Art Museum
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The taxpayers of Miami-Dade County are paying over $500 Mil for the Miami Art Museum. $100 mil for prime waterfront park land and $400 mil in interest and principal on the bonds required to be sold to pay for the construction. Miami Art Museum is broke. Jorge Perez took advantage. The board members should be indicted for stupidity.


maybe rick scott should drug test the new times writers.... maybe then there wouldn't be so many editing and spelling errors (and content errors) in their columns!


Keep your day job as long as your day job is not writing humor blog posts. Also, "Gasolina" has nothing to do with Pitbull. Know your Latino rappers.

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