Lil Wayne and DJ Khaled Better Give Back In 2012 or Answer to Mayor Luke

Categories: Luke's Gospel
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Alex Izaguirre
Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Campbell looks back on the Year of the Booty Man.

I had an exciting, productive 2011. I set goals for myself and accomplished quite a lot in the past 365 days. As we count down to 2012, I want to reflect on some of the more poignant moments of the past year:

Running for county mayor.
While WPLG's Michael Putney and the Miami Herald editorial board ridiculed my candidacy, respectable mainstream news organizations, from WLRN to CNN, took me seriously. Even Perez Hilton endorsed me and the neoconservative bible the Weekly Standard expounded on my plan to help the county's sinking budget by taxing pole cats and making other innovative changes. I didn't win, but I pulled in 11 percent of the vote with just $12,000 in campaign contributions. I wonder what they'll say when the mayoral race in 2012 rolls round again with Obama on the ticket.

Suing Nevin Shapiro.
That grimy pipsqueak Ponzi schemer had some nerve calling himself "Lil' Luke" because he allegedly showered University of Miami football and basketball players with bounties for free dinners and trips to strip clubs like I was accused of doing in the '90s.

Being right about the Miami Dolphins and Michelle Spence-Jones. I correctly predicted the Miami city commissioner would beat the criminal charges against her and that Miami's NFL franchise would suck this season.

Remembering Nick Navarro.
If it weren't for the former Broward County sheriff, I would never have fought all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court to protect a citizen's right to sell and perform a song with raunchy lyrics. Even though Nick was wrong for coming after me and 2 Live Crew, he was still a pioneer in South Florida law enforcement. I will always fondly remember our nationally televised confrontations on Geraldo Rivera's and Phil Donahue's shows.

Giving out-of-town rappers an ultimatum.
I called out the hip-hop stars soaking up all our sunshine, sleeping with all our women, and celebrating with the Dallas Mavericks at LIV after the NBA Finals. I am putting a plan for all the rappers, including DJ Khaled and Lil Wayne, to give back to the community just like Flo Rida just donated $25,000 to the youth football club. However, I'd like to thank Lil Wayne's buddy Drake for name-dropping me on their track "The Motto."

Making a movie.
I was honored when Rakontur, artist Jillian Mayer, and Borscht Film Festival organizer Lucas Leyva approached me about starring in the film short Life and Freaky Times of Uncle Luke. I look forward to hosting a major booty throwdown in Park City, Utah, when we show the movie at the Sundance Film Festival. We'll kick off 2012 with a helluva bang.

Follow Luke on Twitter @unclelukereal1.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

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3 comments
Lukeisstupid
Lukeisstupid

I predict in 2012 MNT will no longer need your stupid ass. Perez Hilton endorsed you........

Jessica
Jessica

I am a 26 years old girl, down to earth and cute but still single ... I  wanna find my lover who can give me a real love,so I joined in the seekcasual.COM,it's the best club for  man and woman finding their intimate encounters. Well, you do not have to be lonely , you  can meet the Mr. or Miss. Right there.

SEE YAA
SEE YAA

Give Uncle Luke a shout out. "Like Luke Skywalker he's got the force"....

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