Heat Blow 17-Point Lead, Lose to Warriors, Let's Everybody Overreact!

Categories: Sports
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While you were sleeping last night, the Miami Heat offense also fell asleep in the fourth quarter of their 111-106 overtime loss to the Golden State Warriors.

It was a game of turnovers, sloppy play, Mario Chalmers dribbling basketballs off his foot, Udonis Haslem missing dunks, LeBron James disappearing in the fourth quarter, and people completely losing their shit after the Heat's record falls to 8-2 ten games into the season.

EVERYBODY PANIC!

Not to belittle the kick-to-the-balls feeling a loss like this brings, especially after you decided to stay up till 2 in the morning to watch it. But losing just your second game in ten tries ain't too shabby. Also, it's a regular-season game. Also, the Chicago Bulls also lost to this Golden State team earlier this season.

But that won't stop Heat fans from yelling and running in circles with their arms in the air, and Heat haters from throwing parties like the Ewoks did at the end of Return of the Jedi.

That said, losing a 17-point lead, turning the ball over like it was dipped in monkey AIDS, reverting back to chucking three-pointers willy-nilly, and allowing Dorell Wright of all fucking people to have the game of his career against his old team is total bullshit, bro.

Wright, who spent his first six seasons with Miami and whose sole claim to fame during that time was tweeting out pictures of his cock, decided this was the night to stop being a mostly marginal player and dropped 20 points on his old team, including a season-high six three-pointers, one which he hit to put the Warriors ahead in overtime.

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DONGSHOTS, YO!
Meanwhile, Nate Robinson ran around Heat defenders, biting them in their shins and scoring 24 points on them off the bench.

Dwyane Wade, who returned after missing the last two games with an injured left foot, came back and was mostly his old badass self, dropping a game-high 34 points and looking like he's completely over his injury.

The Heat seemed to be cruising to another win coming out of halftime and going on a 21-8 run to open the third quarter. But then the good times were quickly turned into a giant shit pile as Golden State, coming off a five-game losing streak, began to chip away the lead, and Heat fans' faces began to melt like the Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

The Oakland crowd -- as it is with every road crowd the Heat face, began to cheer like the All-Time Universe Once-and-Forever Basketball Championship Game was on the line -- was in a frenzy when Robinson hit a three-pointer and a technical foul to tie the game at 93, before running back to the bench to protect his pot o' gold.

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​In the fourth, LeBron failed to take a single shot, and Udonis Haslem continued to play like he has cement feet -- missing open dunks, open jumpers, and drawing technical fouls. Instead of doing what's been working for them so far this season -- namely, attacking the basket -- the Heat began to settle for those ass-clenching hero shots. The Warriors outlasted Miami in OT and won the game.

It was a tough loss to stomach, mainly because this team never just loses -- they have to do it spectacularly with LeBron having a tough time down the stretch. Also because of the Heat haters coming out of the shadows to say clever things they've been hoarding up their ass after the current frontrunner for the league MVP has one bad game in ten tries, like this cockhat:

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Yes, the Heat need to fix the sloppy play, stop the goddamn turnovers, and get back to attacking the rim. And, yes, LeBron needs to play perfectly every single quarter of every single game for the rest of forever. But the Heat will be fine. Or.... WILL THEY???



The Heat head to L.A. to face the Clippers tonight in a game that will be all lobs. Tip-off is at 10:30. MOAR LATE-NIGHT GAMES! FUCK YEA!

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